Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative asrts such as painters and musicians.Others believe that creative artists should be funded alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
One part of the society thinks that artists, painters and other
people
who are related with
art must be supported by the Change preposition
to
government
, while
other people
decided that they should find another alternative option. One of the main reasons of
the first part of Change preposition
for
people
's opinion is great in long
run, Correct article usage
the long
however
private funding can be more unstable.
On one hand,being funded by Add the comma(s)
however,
government
can give them Add an article
the government
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
opportunity
in Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
long
perspective.Correct article usage
a long
To begin
with,the support from state
council can equip them with Correct article usage
the state
necessary
equipment.Add an article
the necessary
For example
,most of
Change preposition
apply
the
artists do not discover their talent because of financial problems and Correct article usage
apply
consequently
,government
can solve Add an article
the government
this
huge disadvantage.In addition
,founding by state governments is always stable compared to other organizations
. For example
, every year the government
gives grants to talented musicians and this
is the best option for non-risky people
.
On the other hand
, the two main advantages of funding by private organizations
are flexible schedules and freedom of choice. For example
, government
organizations
are too bureaucratic, while
other companies only require results and they do not care about artist's
work plan. Correct article usage
the artist's
Moreover
, artist
can make independent Fix the agreement mistake
artists
decision
about the direction of art. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
In particular
, musicians who work for the government
are very often afraid to make creative decisions because of strict rules and requirements, whereas
these factors are eliminated in private organizations
. In my opinion, the second type of position is more logical and reproductive for artists and musicians.
In conclusion, I can understand the reason why individuals tilt the balance in favor of getting support from various sources and I am absolutely sure that they could benefit more from being established by private organizations
compared to state governments.Submitted by rghdbyby47 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay addresses both views on the topic and presents your opinion, but there's room for improvement in clarity and coherence. You should aim to better organize your ideas and ensure each paragraph clearly focuses on a single idea, supported with relevant examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that transitions between ideas and paragraphs are smoother. Use linking words and phrases to guide the reader through your argument and maintain a consistent logical flow.
Task Achievement
You should develop your ideas further and provide more in-depth examples and explanations. Some of your points are somewhat generalized and could benefit from being more specific and detailed.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have successfully included an introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame your essay and present your opinion on the topic.
Task Achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the question and provides a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a thorough engagement with the task.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?