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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries between 1989 and 2009.

the table below gives information about the percentage of workforce employed in six industries between 1989 and 2009.
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Contained in the table is information pertaining to the
number
Use synonyms
 of workers in different Australian industries over two decades. The data is measured in percentages. Generally speaking, it can be observed that there was an upward trend in the workforce of healthcare, construction, education and tourism,
while
Linking Words
 manufacturing and retail became less popular.
Additionally
Linking Words
, tourism remained the least favourite field of
six
Correct article usage
the six
show examples
 throughout the timeframe. Looking at manufacturing’s statistics, it can be seen that it stood at 15%, which is the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of all, before falling significantly to 9.8% after 20 years. Regarding retail, the
number
Use synonyms
 of workers saw a slight decrease, from 11.8% in 1989 to 10.1% in 2009. Turning to healthcare services, the rate of workforce jumped to 11.3% from 9.6% at first.
This
Linking Words
 was followed by construction and education, both figures experienced a noticeable rise, from 7.6% and 6.8% to 8.3% and 7.5% respectively. With respect to tourism clients,
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 rose from 5.5% to 7.3% over a period.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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