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Band 5.5

Some people say that all people should stay in full-time education are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #education #years
The majority of people believe that individuals should learn full-time for 18
years
 of
education
due to
 the number of benefits
such
 as skills, knowledge, and the opportunities given to the jobs in near impending.
This
 author absolutely agrees with
this
 statement.
To begin
 with,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
full-time information of at least 18
years
 provides enough knowledge for planned jobs.
This
 means during eighteen
years
 of
education
, recruitment can assimilate a range of intelligence like logical thinking, critical thinking, and active minding or
solving-problem
Correct your spelling
solving
show examples
 which are the most essential abilities to help people have a good attitude and assessment in the near ultimate jobs.
For example
, Nguyen Khuyen private school in Ho Chi Minh City always celebrates pupils' numerous extra-curricular activities
such
 as
Physics
Correct article usage
the Physics
show examples
 club, Chemistry group, and doing a lot of experiments so enlistment
participate
Change the verb form
participates
show examples
 in and transmit new information. And Nguyen
Khuyen
Change noun form
Khuyen's
show examples
 admission
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 usually active, effective, and sociable.
Besides
 that, enough time for
education
 helps people with the chance the work with a good salary, suitable for their own. It is valid to understand that
education
 helps the community improve the skills needed for the forthcoming day.
Moreover
, schools are the place can contact and get in touch with others,
while
 the relationship is extremely essential for future chances. Many offices recognize and direct admission to you
due to
 the information and database of your ability in your old academy, it is one of the advantages of academic
education
.
As a result
, most of the students at Ho Chi Minh City University of
Education
 are going to have a straight appliance in many schools to be a teacher after graduating.
Hence
, studying for at least 8
years
 in institutions is important and vital for pupils
due to
 the chances given and the numerous skills that help you in real life and in your careers.
This
 is no argument that universities and colleges play an important role in human development, and even individual intelligence and opportunity.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your arguments are clearly stated and follow a logical sequence. You can achieve this by outlining your essay before you start writing.
task achievement
Improve task achievement by providing more detailed explanations and stronger examples to support your points.
task achievement
Review grammar and vocabulary to avoid small mistakes that may slightly detract from the clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
You have included relevant and specific examples to support your main points, such as the mention of Nguyen Khuyen private school and Ho Chi Minh City University of Education.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant to the topic and contribute to the argument you are making.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • comprehensive education
  • intellectual growth
  • emotional growth
  • social growth
  • evolving job market
  • specialized knowledge
  • extended education
  • reducing inequality
  • essential competencies
  • vocational training
  • economic impact
  • financial constraints
  • infrastructure
  • stress and burnout
  • personal aspirations
  • career aspirations
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