IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that individuals do to protect cannot make difference, others say that individuals can protect environment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whether what
individuals
Use synonyms
 have done to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 can make a difference is a controversial discussion point.
This
Linking Words
 writer contends that actions done by these
individuals
Use synonyms
 had a limited
impact
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because they lack
government
Use synonyms
 funding and do not have sufficient human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
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,
although
Linking Words
 some may hold the opposing view
due to
Linking Words
 the large population of citizens. It must be
noticed
Verb problem
noted
show examples
 that efforts of environmental
protection
Use synonyms
 by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
Use synonyms
 are unable to create considerable
changes
Use synonyms
 because they lack money.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that the
plans
Use synonyms
 by these
people
Use synonyms
 usually have not got
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permission from their local authorities. Without being acknowledged or asked to permit the operation, the local
government
Use synonyms
 will not be able to financially support the locals' environmental
protection
Use synonyms
plans
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.
Combining
Wrong verb form
Combined
show examples
 with the limited budget that each
individuals
Use synonyms
 have,
as a result
Linking Words
, organizers of these operations will not be able to afford sufficient tools to make
a positive and radical
Correct the article-noun agreement
positive and radical changes
a positive and radical change
show examples
changes
Use synonyms
 to their
environment
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, unless supported financially by the local authorities,
individuals
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'
effort
Fix the agreement mistake
efforts
show examples
 to protect the
environment
Use synonyms
 will not be able to make
difference
Correct article usage
a difference
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.
However
Linking Words
, there are still
people
Use synonyms
believe
Correct pronoun usage
who believe
show examples
 that
individuals
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 alone can create
changes
Use synonyms
 just by relying on the large population of them in the society. Because of the belief that
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
small efforts are summed up,
people
Use synonyms
 are believed to be able to create big shifts with the power of unity. As credible as
this
Linking Words
 may seem,
this
Linking Words
 is not true because it can only be achieved via
legislations
Fix the agreement mistake
legislation
show examples
 and operations funded by
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
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 cannot be clean with the effort of only a small group of local dwellers compared to a
plan
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 organized and subsidized by the local
government
Use synonyms
 encouraging all the
people
Use synonyms
 in the area to clean the same place.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
individuals
Use synonyms
 are unable to have a significant and positive
impact
Use synonyms
 on the
environment
Use synonyms
 unless supported by the higher-ups.
This
Linking Words
 writer believes that the reason why most environmental
protection
Use synonyms
plans
Use synonyms
 do not create enough
impact
Use synonyms
 is insufficient human
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
. By not having enough money to support the operation,
people
Use synonyms
 will not be persuaded that the
plan
Use synonyms
 itself will make their area cleaner.
Consequently
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,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will be encouraged to participate in the
protection
Use synonyms
 work
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
making the
plan
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 impossible. Another example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
Linking Words
 is when organizers of environmental
protection
Use synonyms
plans
Use synonyms
 do not have sufficient
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
 to buy
tools
Correct article usage
the tools
show examples
 required, volunteers will be inclined towards the thought that the
plan
Use synonyms
 will not work and they will retreat from assisting the proposed
plan
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, in spite of the belief that depending solely on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unity can make
changes
Use synonyms
 to the
environment
Use synonyms
, the efforts made will not have enough
impact
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
show examples
 of
government
Use synonyms
 subsidy and workforce.
Hence
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 author is inclined towards the opinion that
individuals
Use synonyms
 are unable to create
changes
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Overall, this essay does a good job of exploring both points of view, but it could be strengthened by including more relevant specific examples. For example, mentioning specific initiatives led by individuals or how collective individual actions led to significant environmental improvements would make the argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
You have a good logical structure and your ideas flow well. However, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly would enhance the essay's coherence even further. Using more transitional phrases could make it clearer how each paragraph builds on the previous one.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured and effectively summarize the main points of your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view and effectively discusses both perspectives on the issue, which demonstrates a thorough understanding of the topic.
supported main points
You support your main points with relevant reasons, contributing to a persuasive argument overall.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • eco-friendly
  • collective impact
  • grassroots movements
  • systemic changes
  • sustainable products
  • environmental degradation
  • coordinated actions
  • policy changes
  • environmental-friendly policies
  • advocacy efforts
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