IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

THE CHART BELOW GIVES INFORMATION ON NUMBER OF WORKERS IN DIFFERENT OCCUPATIONS WHO MIGRATED TO AUSTRALIA BETWEEN 2009 AND 2012. SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES, AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT.

THE CHART BELOW GIVES INFORMATION ON NUMBER OF WORKERS IN DIFFERENT OCCUPATIONS WHO MIGRATED TO AUSTRALIA BETWEEN 2009 AND 2012. SUMMARISE THE INFORMATION BY SELECTING AND REPORTING THE MAIN FEATURES, AND MAKE COMPARISONS WHERE RELEVANT.
#information #workers #occupations #australia #summarise #features #comparisons
The given bar chart illustrates information about the
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
proportions
 of workers in various
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 that migrated to Australia from 2009 to 2012. The units are measured in percentage.
Overall
, it can be seen that
cook
 and software engineer had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar highest figures in 2011
while
 accountant had the maximum in 2010.
Additionally
, computer
programmar
Correct your spelling
programming
 had the lowest over 4 years. Looking at the figures in
further
 detail, it
can
Verb problem
is
show examples
 obvious the amount of
accountant
Fix the agreement mistake
accountants
show examples
 stood at 20
thousand
 and reached a high top
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 28
thousand
then
 ending up at 21
thousand
 in 2012.
By contrast
,
Add an article
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 had
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same number at 2
thousand
 in both years 2009 and 2011.
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, in 2010 and 2012 it was a noticeable increase at 4
thousand
 and 5
thousand
 respectively. Turning to the remaining data,
cook
 and engineer both reached a high top in 2011 with 18 and 21
thousand
. In 2010, software stood at 20.
By contrast
,
cook
Correct article usage
the cook
show examples
 reached a low bottom at 16. In 2009,
cook
 and software accounted for 17 and 19
thousand
 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "by contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words cook, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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