FOR MANY PEOPLE, THE REASON THEY WORK HARD IS TO EARN MONEY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
IN AN EVER-PROGRESSIVE SOCIETY, MANY INDIVIDUALS BELIEVE THAT THE DRIVING FACTOR FORCING THEM TO
WORK
DILIGENTLY IS TO ACCUMULATE MONEY. IN LIGHT OF
THIS
, THE
WRITTER
Correct your spelling
WRITER
TOTALLY DISAGREE WITH THE OPINION. IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT RESPONSIBLE SPIRIT IS THE MAIN AGENCY
PROMTING
Correct your spelling
PROMOTING
DILIGENCE IN WORKERS. PARTICULARLY, EVERY JOB PLAYS A SPECIFIC AND IMPORTANT ROLE IN HUMAN SOCIETY.
CONSEQUENTLY
, STAFF WOULD FIND OUT THAT THEY
ARE HOLDING
Wrong verb form
HOLD
show examples
A SIGNIFICANT DUTY IN LIFE STANDARD
MANTENANCE
Correct your spelling
MAINTENANCE
AND SOCIETY DEVELOPMENT. THEREBY, THEY WOULD HAVE A SENSE OF MEANING IN THEIR JOB AND FEEL MOTIVATED TO
WORK
HARD. TAKING
MEDICAL
Correct article usage
THE MEDICAL
show examples
FIELD AS A SIGNIFICANT INSTANCE, THE MORE
Correct your spelling
DANGEROUS
DAGEROUS
Correct your spelling
DANGEROUS
AND COMPLICATED THE ILLNESSES BECOME THE MORE STUDIOUS THE DOCTORS HAVE TO ENDEAVOR IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN PUBLIC HEALTH QUALITY ANOTHER FACTOR WORTH CONSIDERING IS THAT IT IS THE CASE
OD
Correct your spelling
OF
show examples
PASSION AND INTEREST THAT DRIVES PEOPLE TO
WORK
PERSISITENTLY. TO BE SPECIFIC, HUMAN IS CAPABLE OF PRODUCING
AUONOMY
Correct your spelling
AUTONOMY
AND PROACTIVE THINKING IN THEIR ACTION WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR FAVOURITE
WORK
.
AS A RESULT
, WORKERS COULD HAVE A SENSE OF SELF-FUFILMENT WHEN DOING THEIR INTERESTS,
THEREFORE
, IT CAN PROMOTE PRODUCTIVITY AND INDUSTRIOUSNESS FROM THE STAFF.
FOR EXAMPLE
, JAMES HAMILTON, A FAMOUS CAVE EXPLORER, CONDUCTED VARIOUS RISKY EXPLORATIONS JUST BECAUSE IT IS HIS HOBBY. TAKING ALL POINTS INTO ACCOUNT,
DUE TO
THE PASSION AND THE RESPONSIBILITY ONE WORKER HOLDS THAT FORCE THEM TO
WORK
, SO MONEY IS NOT THE MAIN DRIVING FORCE.
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Be sure to proofread your work to correct typographical errors and improve the clarity of your arguments. Incorrect spellings such as 'WRITTER' (writer), 'MANTENANCE' (maintenance), and 'STUDIOUS' (diligent) can be distracting for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Consider linking your paragraphs more coherently. For instance, using transitional phrases or sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can make your essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more compelling. For example, you could add more details about James Hamilton and why his hobby drove him despite the risks involved.
general
Avoid using all capital letters, as it can make the text difficult to read and is generally not accepted in formal writing. Use proper capitalization guidelines for a more professional presentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay is well-structured with clear topic sentences, supporting details, and examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer provides relevant examples to support the main points, such as the case of doctors and James Hamilton, the cave explorer.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: