IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them.

#people #care #time
It is often argued that people who take care of senior citizens do not have enough time for themselves.
This
 can cause problems
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 one’s career and cost
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
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 but can be solved by flexible working arrangements and the supply from
government
Add an article
the government
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. The underlying root of the problem is the aged cannot look after themselves, so the family members must care for them.
Therefore
, they will find their work difficult to manage the time to fit
with
Change preposition
into
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 their schedules.
As a result
, the descendants lose their work or
be
Wrong verb form
are
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 criticized by their boss.
This
 is true in Vietnam where the younger have to stay at home and look after the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
I
Correct your spelling
in
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 lieu of going to work. Another factor may be the needs of the aged
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 various.
In other words
, family members must spend a large amount of money buying personal items, so it charges a lot.
Consequently
, the care of the aged leads to the
struggled
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struggle
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 of money for numerous
circumstance
Fix the agreement mistake
circumstances
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. Perhaps a solution to the problem of looking after
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 is to be found in
from
Correct your spelling
form
show examples
 of flexible working arrangements. The most effective approach is to rearrange the schedule,
this
 situation can lead to having time for senior individuals.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a good response to the prompt, but make sure to elaborate more on your main points to provide a complete response.
task achievement
While your ideas are mostly clear, try to make your sentences more comprehensive for the reader.
task achievement
Introduce more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay should have a more defined structure with a clear introduction and conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should ideally discuss one main point in a logical order.
coherence cohesion
Work on the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
overall
You have a clear understanding of the issue and presented it effectively.
content
The essay touches on practical solutions, showcasing problem-solving skills.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
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