Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world

this

day and age, it is often said that

people

rely more on each other.

However

, others think they do not.

This

writer will discuss both

view points

Correct your spelling

viewpoints

show examples

and give

opinion

Add an article

an opinion

show examples

. It must be understood that individuals become more dependent

due to

the development of devices and technology.

In other words

, these things are too developed and convenient, so

people

can use them to do every

work

As a result

, they will utilize technology in everything they do and become more dependent on them. Taking study as an example, most

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

do not do their exercises or homework by themselves and they ask the Internet for

Remove the article

apply

show examples

help.

However

, another point to consider is that individuals will “go farther and faster” if they

work

independently. To be more specific, it requires a lot of determination and

efforts

Fix the agreement mistake

effort

show examples

Change preposition

from

show examples

the learners or workers. They need to find out or research the information by themselves.

Consequently

, they can

work

effectively

Change preposition

with

show examples

independence.

For instance

, Uncle Ho found

the

Correct article usage

show examples

way to save

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

by himself and he was successful in saving

country

Correct article usage

the country

show examples

Therefore

that is

the reason why some

people

want to

work

or study independently. In my opinion, working independently

also

helps us to gain the knowledge to ourselves and

this

may be a strength in some situations.

Thus

, working independently plays an important role in

success

Add an article

the success

show examples

of humans. In conclusion,

this

writer has pointed out all

view points

Correct your spelling

viewpoints

show examples

and

encourage

Wrong verb form

encouraged

show examples

people

work

alone.

However

, we

also

need to

work

in a team if it is necessary.

Submitted by [email protected] on Tue Jun 04 2024

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task achievement

In the introduction, clearly state both viewpoints and briefly mention your own opinion to set the stage for the essay.

task achievement

Expand on the main points with more specific examples and details. The example of asking the internet for homework help is too general.

coherence cohesion

Proofread to improve language accuracy, such as correcting phrases like 'by independence' to 'because of their independence' and 'find the way to save country' to 'find a way to save his country.'

coherence cohesion

Avoid redundancy; for example, instead of saying 'devices and technology,' choose one term.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, which helps in organizing ideas.

task achievement

The use of examples, such as Uncle Ho, adds authenticity to the points being made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

interdependence
globalization
technological advancements
collective action
digital evolution
minimal reliance
direct interaction
empowered
access to technology
societal expectations
personal choice
leverage

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Some people think that in the modern world we are more dependent on each other, while others think that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries, many people do not have enough money to access the internet. Should governments be responsible for ensuring that everyone can get access to the internet?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disargee?

Some people think that learning news from newspapers is the best way. Others, however, say that there are more effective ways of learning news from other media. Discuss both points of view and give your opinions

Task 2- Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia as many as two thirds of children are now obese. Schools have a responsibility to monitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. To what extend do you agree to this statemen