IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

We can get knowledge from news. But some people even think we should not trust the journalists. What do you think? And what do you think are the important qulities that a journalist should have?

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In some
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countries
Add a comma
countries,
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university
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students
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 live at
home
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 with their family
while
Linking Words
 they
study
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,
whereas
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 in other
countries
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students
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 attend
university
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 in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from
home
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 during
university
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 outweigh the disadvantages? Today, in some
countries
Use synonyms
students
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 live at
home
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 with their family, but in some cases,
students
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 live in another city out of
home
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. From my point of view, there are more advantages to
Use synonyms
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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 abroad and
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 away from
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
show examples
 than disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, education outside of a family is a good
life
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experience
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. A
university
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 can be
first
Change the article
the first
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 stage of a mature
life
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. In most cases, young
people
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 should start solving adult problems
such
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 as rent loading,
interact
Wrong verb form
interacting
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 with payments and
communication
Replace the word
communicating
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 with strange
people
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.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the beginning, it will be difficult to adapt
for
Change preposition
to
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 new issues and
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
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. Another disadvantage is that
students
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 miss their families.
However
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, it is a useful
experience
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 for whole
life
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.
For instance
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, after graduating from high school, I chose to
study
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 abroad in Moscow.
Life
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 out of
home
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 and family was very difficult, but at the same time, it was
wonderful
Add an article
a wonderful
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 and helpful
experience
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.
Secondly
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, studying abroad gives
a
Correct pronoun usage
me a
show examples
chance to learn
new
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about new
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 cultures and make new friends.
For example
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, a lot of young
people
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study
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 in foreign
countries
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 nowadays. It is an incredible opportunity to learn about
new
Add an article
a new
show examples
 culture. During my education at the
university
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, I took part in a student exchange program and studied
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
semester
at
Change preposition
in
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 Paris'. During
this
Linking Words
 time, I became acquainted with French museums, cuisine, and language.
Moreover
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, I met new friends with whom I keep in touch still.
To sum up
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, education outside of hometown has more advantages than disadvantages.
At
Change preposition
In
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 the early stages, it can be difficult to adapt
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a new place.
As a result
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, young
people
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 gain wonderful impressions and 
Use synonyms
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.

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task achievement
The introduction is clear but could be further strengthened by slightly expanding on the context. Consider giving a brief mention of the factors influencing this decision for students.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, ensure that each paragraph centers around one main idea. The first paragraph could be split into two, one focusing on life experience and the other on missing family.
coherence cohesion
There are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases such as 'A university can be first stage of a mature life' and 'interact with payments and communication with strange people.' Proofreading and rephrasing can help. Try, 'University life often marks the first stage of adulthood' and 'deal with payments and interact with unfamiliar individuals.'
task achievement
The use of personal experiences strengthens the essay and makes the arguments more relatable and vivid.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's stance, making the essay feel complete and well-rounded.
task achievement
Examples given, such as studying in Moscow and participating in an exchange program in Paris, are quite specific and lend authenticity to the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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