IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cultures the old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#cultures #age #youth
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In recent years, the
erlderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
is
Wrong verb form
have been
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 appreciated in many countries.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 the younger generation is more
fluential
Correct your spelling
influential
 in
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 nations. Both have merits but I am personally of the opinion that despite the benefits that the younger
fostered
Correct pronoun usage
ones fostered
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,
people
Use synonyms
 should have gratitude towards the older
people
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they bring about a lot of advantages to daily life. On the one hand, the younger generations have played an
intergral
Correct your spelling
integral
 part in creating many cutting-edge inventions in the world. Those
people
Use synonyms
 have
ability
Change the article
the ability
show examples
 to think and make their ideas come true for
sake
Correct article usage
the sake
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 of exerting efforts and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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creativity.
Therefore
Linking Words
, to satisfy the demands of the
inviduals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 in the ameliorated world,
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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 should have to recruit a large majority of the youth to boost the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
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 products higher.
For instance
Linking Words
, many Asian countries currently
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to find young human resources to work for them to raise their sales.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the older, who have a lot of experience and profound understanding about many extents play a vital role in increasing the economic values. When recruiting the old age, companies do not need to train them anymore because those
people
Use synonyms
 have devoted all their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 to contributing
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 growth of societies.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 convenience helps a large number of managers of enterprises save time and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
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 for training new employees. Take an example, the older
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 in some developed nations often do the task effectively and better than others. In conclusion, I think the younger generation holds a greater importance in our community. Their performance can predict the fate of a nation. They will be standing in leadership roles, involved in crucial decisions, and shaping the future. The older generation passes their expertise and morals to a young person, which better prepares them to manoeuvre countless changes in the future society.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task response
Your essay adequately discusses both views, but be sure to proofread for typos and grammar errors, such as 'erlderly' which should be 'elderly,' and 'fluential' which should be 'influential.'
coherence cohesion
Improve your coherence by ensuring that your arguments flow smoothly from one point to the next. Using linking phrases can help achieve this.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Relating them to personal experience or well-known facts can help add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph maintains a single focus and directly relates to your main argument. Sometimes, your points feel a bit scattered or lightly connected. Stick to one main idea per paragraph.
task response
You clearly state your opinion, which is crucial for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and ties them back to the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically divided into paragraphs, each covering a distinct point.
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