In some cultures the old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In recent years, the
erlderly
Correct your spelling
elderly
is
appreciated in many countries. Wrong verb form
have been
However
the younger generation is more Add a comma
However,
fluential
in Correct your spelling
influential
others
nations. Both have merits but I am personally of the opinion that despite the benefits that the younger Correct quantifier usage
other
fostered
, Correct pronoun usage
ones fostered
people
should have gratitude towards the older people
due to
the fact that they bring about a lot of advantages to daily life.
On the one hand, the younger generations have played an intergral
part in creating many cutting-edge inventions in the world. Those Correct your spelling
integral
people
have ability
to think and make their ideas come true for Change the article
the ability
sake
of exerting efforts and Correct article usage
the sake
their
creativity. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Therefore
, to satisfy the demands of the inviduals
in the ameliorated world,Correct your spelling
individuals
manufactures
should have to recruit a large majority of the youth to boost the Correct your spelling
manufacturers
labor
products higher. Change the spelling
labour
For instance
, many Asian countries currently tends
to find young human resources to work for them to raise their sales.
Change the verb form
tend
On the other hand
, the older, who have a lot of experience and profound understanding about many extents play a vital role in increasing the economic values. When recruiting the old age, companies do not need to train them anymore because those people
have devoted all their life
to contributing Fix the agreement mistake
lives
the
growth of societies. Change preposition
to the
Furthermore
, this
convenience helps a large number of managers of enterprises save time and efforts
for training new employees. Take an example, the older Fix the agreement mistake
effort
staffs
in some developed nations often do the task effectively and better than others.
In conclusion, I think the younger generation holds a greater importance in our community. Their performance can predict the fate of a nation. They will be standing in leadership roles, involved in crucial decisions, and shaping the future. The older generation passes their expertise and morals to a young person, which better prepares them to manoeuvre countless changes in the future society.Fix the agreement mistake
staff
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task response
Your essay adequately discusses both views, but be sure to proofread for typos and grammar errors, such as 'erlderly' which should be 'elderly,' and 'fluential' which should be 'influential.'
coherence cohesion
Improve your coherence by ensuring that your arguments flow smoothly from one point to the next. Using linking phrases can help achieve this.
task response
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. Relating them to personal experience or well-known facts can help add depth to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph maintains a single focus and directly relates to your main argument. Sometimes, your points feel a bit scattered or lightly connected. Stick to one main idea per paragraph.
task response
You clearly state your opinion, which is crucial for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and ties them back to the introduction.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically divided into paragraphs, each covering a distinct point.