IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The type of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011.

#type #media #people #age #groups #news #country
Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to three fundamental approaches to updating everyday news, classified into five different
age
 groups, in the year 2011. In general, it is apparent that microblogging was the least popular platform
while
 social media and radio hold the lion's share.
Additionally
, the use of social networking sites was inversely proportional to
age
 factor. Regarding the figures for radio, it obviously demonstrates that 85% to a bit more than 90% of people aged 18 or above received news daily,
whereas
 just only 40% from the
age
 group 10-17 preferred to use the radio. Meanwhile, in terms of social media, there was 80% of users
spreading
Verb problem
are
show examples
 from 10 to 29 years old. Noticeably, it was less utilized by elderly people representing 50% for the 30-49
age
 bracket, 40% for the 50-64
age
 group and around 25% for the oldest
age
 group. Moving onto the
last
 platform, microblogging, which was the least favourite media, was popular for the range of 18-29.
In contrast
, there was less than 20% in the proportions of other groups.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported with consistent and relevant data. For example, the usage percentages could be more precise and detailed for each age group and platform.
coherence cohesion
Improve the linkage between paragraphs to make the transition smoother. For instance, use connectors like 'however,' 'on the other hand,' or 'additionally' to ensure a smooth flow of information.
task achievement
Accurate and comprehensive introduction summarizing the bar chart's contents clearly.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure maintained throughout the essay with clear demarcation of different age groups and platforms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: