The type of media that people of different age groups used to get daily news in one country in 2011.

Contained in the bar chart is data pertaining to three fundamental approaches to updating everyday news, classified into five different
age
groups, in the year 2011. In general, it is apparent that microblogging was the least popular platform
while
social media and radio hold the lion's share.
Additionally
, the use of social networking sites was inversely proportional to
age
factor. Regarding the figures for radio, it obviously demonstrates that 85% to a bit more than 90% of people aged 18 or above received news daily,
whereas
just only 40% from the
age
group 10-17 preferred to use the radio. Meanwhile, in terms of social media, there was 80% of users
spreading
Verb problem
are
show examples
from 10 to 29 years old. Noticeably, it was less utilized by elderly people representing 50% for the 30-49
age
bracket, 40% for the 50-64
age
group and around 25% for the oldest
age
group. Moving onto the
last
platform, microblogging, which was the least favourite media, was popular for the range of 18-29.
In contrast
, there was less than 20% in the proportions of other groups.
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task achievement
Ensure that each main point is supported with consistent and relevant data. For example, the usage percentages could be more precise and detailed for each age group and platform.
coherence cohesion
Improve the linkage between paragraphs to make the transition smoother. For instance, use connectors like 'however,' 'on the other hand,' or 'additionally' to ensure a smooth flow of information.
task achievement
Accurate and comprehensive introduction summarizing the bar chart's contents clearly.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure maintained throughout the essay with clear demarcation of different age groups and platforms.

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    • Sentence 2 - Example
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
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