some people believe that studying at university or collage is the best route to a successful career, others believe that it is better to get job straight after school. discuss both of view and give your opinion.
nowadays, having a suitable occupation can play a crucial role in many aspects. some individuals are of the opinion that studying at a
university
can be by far the best one ,in the aspect of having a successful job
in the future while
others believe that having a job
exactly after school can be answered. in my opinion, i
consider that getting a successful career after studying at Change the capitalization
I
university
can help people
to have better results in their jobs by increasing their knowledge.
on the one hand, many people
think that having a successful occupation need to study at university
. because this
strategy can help them to increase their knowledge related their
major. Change preposition
to their
that is
why, after graduating from academic places can be a professional person in their operation. since there is a clearly recognizable relationship between the level of knowledge and rate
of skill. the more Correct article usage
the rate
people
have a lot of information, the more
higher Change the word
apply
rate
of abilities. Correct article usage
the rate
this
way , they can achieve better results in their work and of course, have a successful job
in their life.
on the other hand
, it is sometimes believed that getting a job
after school can be a key step to having a successful job
. because a large number of communities have this
opportunity to find more occupation
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
occupations
people
who have an academic education.in other words
, many companies have a great tendency to employ person
without education related to a Add an article
a person
university
.as
they do not have a lot of expectations about their salaries . Correct your spelling
as
that is
why , it could be the best idea for many companies to increase the rate of employees with a suitable income. This
style is not be
Change the verb form
is not
good
idea because many individuals can not achieve their dreams in their life.
in conclusion, Change the article
a good
Although
many people
may vary in their opinion, I strongly believe that studying at college or university
can be the most effective way to have successful
career and earn better results in their Add an article
a successful
job
.Submitted by salehmiri1995 on
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task achievement
Consider providing more relevant specific examples to support your arguments. Rather than just stating your points, give examples and evidence to substantiate them.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure can be improved by better organization of ideas within paragraphs. Try to ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea and it flows smoothly to the next point.
task achievement
Improve your response by addressing counterarguments more thoroughly and providing a balanced view that acknowledges the validity of both sides of the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in guiding the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
You have presented comprehensive ideas about both sides of the topic, showing a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your use of linking words and phrases (e.g., 'on the one hand,' 'on the other hand,' 'in conclusion') helps in structuring your essay and guiding the reader.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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