Watching a live performance such as a play, concert, or sporting event is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Whether it is more pleasant to be at an event or watching them on television is a recurring discussion point.
This
writer agrees that the atmosphere and
memory
obtained at live games are more joyful than staying at home. The major difference between home and an event is the atmosphere. Yet, it must be considered that when observing an event live, you can fully experience your surroundings. To be more specific, everything around you is far more realistic compared to the comfort at home. Take a soccer match as an example, you can hear exciting chants from fans and their support toward their teams, which is clearly more enjoyable than sitting in front of the television screen. Another point worth attention
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
memory
obtained from these events. It must be acknowledged that being at a live performance makes the
memory
last
longer and unforgettable.
This
is because you can feel your surroundings, and listen to a variety of sounds.
As a result
, your experience will be more memorable and can
last
for a very long time. Taking all points into account, the atmosphere and the
memory
make a live performance more enjoyable than watching on television.
Hence
,
this
essay has given clear points to show agreement with the statement that live performances are more joyful.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure to expand on your examples in more detail to provide stronger support for your main points. For instance, the example of a soccer match could include how fans interact with each other, their reactions to key moments, etc.
coherence and cohesion
Consider refining the transitions between your paragraphs to enhance the flow. This will help maintain the reader’s engagement from the introduction through to the conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt, addressing the essential points about atmosphere and memory.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and restates the writer's agreement with the prompt.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive experience
  • replicated
  • energy
  • atmosphere
  • sense of community
  • shared excitement
  • unforgettable
  • predictable
  • convenience
  • comfort
  • crowds
  • travel
  • multiple camera angles
  • close-ups
  • replays
  • enhancing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: