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Band 4

Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #sport
In the modern era, humanity has become more and more risking their lives by engaging in extremely deadly
sports
. Within
the
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apply
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society, some individuals can say that it has
positive
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a positive
show examples
 side,
while
 others argue that it
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more negative impacts. Despite the fact, that it has
a
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apply
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plenty of benefits, I believe that extreme
sports
 offer
a
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apply
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way more drawbacks. One of the primary
advantage
Change to a plural noun
advantages
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 of
the
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apply
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extreme
sports
 is increased physical fitness. Put differently,
such
 ultimate
sports
 as heli-skiing(jumping from helicopter to ski)
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 a great lower-body workout by developing and improving leg muscles.
For example
, Herman Maier, the most popular skier in the world, has fantastic flexibility and endurance.
As a result
, it gives more physical strength.
On the other hand
, radical
sports
has
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have
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 demerits as the
high-risk
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high risk
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 of injury or even death.
Moreover
, extreme
sports
 can take place in remote and uncivilized locations, where it's easy to
be
Verb problem
get
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 lost. In
this
 case, there is only one way to survive: to rely on your survival skills.
For instance
, the
researches
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researchers
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 found that
chance
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the chance
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 of getting injured or getting into
accident
Add an article
an accident
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 from hang gliding is 1 in 116 000, which means that it's 5 to 8 times
dangerous
Correct quantifier usage
more dangerous
show examples
 than sky diving.
To sum up
, I hold the belief that being popular
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in
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of
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in
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
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extreme
sports
 among people has more cons than pros. It is simpler to do other varieties of
sports
 rather than extreme ones.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure to address the opposing view in more detail. This will show an understanding of both perspectives and provide a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
Linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to create smooth transitions between ideas. This will improve the logical flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the overall coherence and precision of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides relevant specific examples, such as mentioning Herman Maier and statistics related to extreme sports.
task achievement
The writer presents a clear opinion and supports it with reasons and examples.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present and summarize the main points effectively.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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