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Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Many people are becoming fat.What is the main reason .How can it be solved

#people #reason
Obesity
 is gathering in
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 extra fat.
This
 may be very harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health. People become
Replace the word
obese
show examples
obesity
Replace the word
obese
show examples
as a result
 of unhealthy living. They suffer from different
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 because of it.
For example
 heart attack,
hihg
Correct your spelling
high
 challistrin, breathing problems,increased blood pressure and so on. Eating a lot of food and unhealthy living
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
root
Add an article
the root
a root
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
. In
today
Change noun form
today's
show examples
 world, we can see
childrens'
Correct your spelling
children'
 putting on lipstick to fast food and
lacf
Correct your spelling
lack
of
Change preposition
off
show examples
 and that they don't
physical
Change the adjective
physically
show examples
 work. To overcome
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
obesity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should be given enough information about healthy living.
Besides
, usually exercise and physical activity can overcome it. And
this
 thing is very important for healthy living.
Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases. This will help to make your essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
task achievement
Elaborate on your ideas more comprehensively to cover the topic in greater depth.
language and mechanics
Focus on correct grammar and spelling to enhance the clarity and professionalism of your essay.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main reasons for obesity as well as potential solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The main points, such as unhealthy living and lack of physical activity, are relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The concept of educating people about healthy living is a strong and practical solution to the problem of obesity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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