Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Education
play
a vital role Change the verb form
plays
for
the development of young individuals. Change preposition
in
Therefore
, there is much
emphasis given Correct quantifier usage
more
for
educating the young than ever before, Change preposition
to
while
some leisure activities should be considered by the government expenditure. This
writer agrees with the emphasis towards the education
of youngers through the
its valuable features.
First and foremost, the primary reason behind Remove the article
apply
this
could be the priorities
of Fix the agreement mistake
priority
education
is to equip young people with knowledge and skills which are essential for their future. In fact, by attending educational institution
, students are supposed to structured learning environment where they cultivate critical thinking skills, discover their passion and learn the value of discipline. A case in point is that there is a majority of academic locations like high Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
school
or universities Fix the agreement mistake
schools
organize
more space for learners to enhance their abilities Correct pronoun usage
that organize
such
as speech contest
. Another considerable point that Fix the agreement mistake
contests
need
to Change the verb form
needs
discuss
is that the young generations need to be educated organizationally as the Wrong verb form
be discussed
continua
development of the state-of-the-art society. To be blunt, there is a competitive rate of finding work that can be seen as an advantageous feature for Correct your spelling
continual
the
high academic performance with many beneficial certifications.
On the flip side, free time activity can be equally a holistic environment. In fact, attending Correct article usage
apply
in
some leisure activities can reduce the Change preposition
apply
frequent
of stress or mind relaxation which can be seen as one of the results of learning in a long period of time. Replace the word
frequency
Moreover
, this
strict learning environment can lead to some mental health issues like depression.
In conclusion, too much emphasis on educating the young or the affection of free time activity have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
the
positive impact on younger Correct article usage
a
education
. Therefore
, the public should consider both sides before giving the final decision.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and offers a clear opinion, which is commendable. However, the supporting points could be more robust and well-developed to strengthen your argument. Try adding more specific examples and evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is necessary for coherence. However, some paragraphs need better focus and organization. The transition between points could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to make your argument flow more logically.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states your position on the issue, and you’ve made a commendable effort in balancing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.