Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Education
play
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plays
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a vital role
for
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in
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the development of young individuals.
Therefore
, there is
much
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more
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emphasis given
for
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to
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educating the young than ever before,
while
some leisure activities should be considered by the government expenditure.
This
writer agrees with the emphasis towards the
education
of youngers through
the
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apply
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its valuable features. First and foremost, the primary reason behind
this
could be the
priorities
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priority
show examples
of
education
is to equip young people with knowledge and skills which are essential for their future. In fact, by attending educational
institution
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institutions
show examples
, students are supposed to structured learning environment where they cultivate critical thinking skills, discover their passion and learn the value of discipline. A case in point is that there is a majority of academic locations like high
school
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schools
show examples
or universities
organize
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that organize
show examples
more space for learners to enhance their abilities
such
as speech
contest
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contests
show examples
. Another considerable point that
need
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needs
show examples
to
discuss
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be discussed
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is that the young generations need to be educated organizationally as the
continua
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continual
show examples
development of the state-of-the-art society. To be blunt, there is a competitive rate of finding work that can be seen as an advantageous feature for
the
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apply
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high academic performance with many beneficial certifications. On the flip side, free time activity can be equally a holistic environment. In fact, attending
in
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apply
show examples
some leisure activities can reduce the
frequent
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frequency
show examples
of stress or mind relaxation which can be seen as one of the results of learning in a long period of time.
Moreover
,
this
strict learning environment can lead to some mental health issues like depression. In conclusion, too much emphasis on educating the young or the affection of free time activity
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
positive impact on younger
education
.
Therefore
, the public should consider both sides before giving the final decision.
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task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument and offers a clear opinion, which is commendable. However, the supporting points could be more robust and well-developed to strengthen your argument. Try adding more specific examples and evidence to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is necessary for coherence. However, some paragraphs need better focus and organization. The transition between points could be smoother. Try using more linking words and phrases to make your argument flow more logically.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states your position on the issue, and you’ve made a commendable effort in balancing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a well-structured introduction and conclusion. This helps in guiding the reader through your argument effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overemphasis
  • burnout
  • well-being
  • mental health
  • social inclusion
  • non-academic skills
  • recreational facilities
  • antisocial behaviors
  • extracurricular activities
  • diverse interests
  • personal growth
  • real-world skills
  • intellectual society
  • undue stress
  • teamwork
  • societal development
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