Many people believe that playing video games is a waste of time and can even have a negative effect on the health of players. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
In recent years recreational
activities
have many changes when compared to the past few decades. Most of
Change preposition
apply
the
individuals believe that spending Correct article usage
apply
time
by
playing video games is just wasting Change preposition
apply
time
and have
adverse Correct subject-verb agreement
has
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
of
their Change preposition
on
well being
. I completely agree with the above notion and in Add a hyphen
well-being
this
essay
I would like to explain why I am supporting the majority opinion.
Add a comma
essay,
To begin
with, the people who are playing such
kind
of games are simply wasting their money energy and Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
time
. This
valuable time
they can use it
for some other Correct pronoun usage
apply
health oriented
Add a hyphen
health-oriented
activities
. For example
, due to
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
life
most Add a comma
life,
of
Change preposition
apply
the
children Correct article usage
apply
became
obese and that may lead to severe health problems like hyperlipidemia , diabetes and Wrong verb form
become
effective
vision.
Correct word choice
impaired
Secondly
, nowadays young generations are addicted in
computer or Change preposition
to
smartphone based
Add a hyphen
smartphone-based
activities
. This
can reduce the
direct communication Correct article usage
apply
to
others and have some Change preposition
with
problem
with Fix the agreement mistake
problems
the
interpersonal relationships. Correct article usage
apply
For instance
, those who spend more time
in audio visual
Add a hyphen
audio-visual
activities
may develop some personality disorders like anxiety, depression and introvert
personality Replace the word
introverted
due to
lack of direct interaction to
others.
In my point of view, those who Change preposition
with
addicted
to computer games are simply destroying their life in every aspect Add a missing verb
are addicted
such
as time
money ,health and relationships. In conclusion instead
of spending time
by
indoor Change preposition
on
activities
, parents can insist their children to
engage in some outdoor Remove the particle
apply
activities
or improve reading
habits is better for their growth and Correct pronoun usage
their reading
developments
.Fix the agreement mistake
development
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coherence
Work on integrating paragraphs smoothly for better flow. Using linking words and phrases can help.
task response
Strengthen your arguments with more detailed and specific examples. This will make your essay more persuasive and support your opinion more effectively.
task response
Address and elaborate on potential opposing viewpoints to create a more balanced argument.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively framed.
task response
You've clearly stated your position and provided reasons for your viewpoint.
coherence
The essay is generally well-organized with a clear progression of ideas.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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