Some people say that the experiences a child has before starting school have the most influence on their future life. Others say that experiences as a teenager, especially at school, are more influential. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

While
it is widely claimed that
experiences
based on
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the pre-school
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pre-school
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preschool
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phase
are vital for the
children
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children's
show examples
development
in
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at
show examples
later
Add an article
a later
the later
show examples
time, others argue that
experiences
accumulated in
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the aldolescent
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aldolescent
Correct your spelling
adolescent
era, to be specific, from school, are much more influential. Both
point
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points
show examples
of
views
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view
show examples
and reasons why I agree with both of the statements will be elaborated on in
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that
early
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the early
show examples
stage of
children
before school is considered
critical
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a critical
show examples
period for parenting and become the most influential era for them.
This
is possibly because
the
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of the
show examples
dependency of their parents leading them to cultivate skills and manners that will create
a long-term habits
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long-term habits
a long-term habit
show examples
that
unlikely
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are unlikely
show examples
to be changed in the future. Take discipline ,
for example
; when
this
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these
show examples
kids learn how
behave
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to behave
show examples
, they
tended
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tend
show examples
not to do things that in the future. Many opponents of
this
idea might
opposed
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oppose
be opposed
show examples
that
older
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the older
show examples
phase
of
children
like
teenagers
are
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is
show examples
inarguably known to be the most epic point in their life.
Since
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Teenagers
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teenagers
is
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are
show examples
more
influence
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influenced
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toward
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apply
show examples
by their peers rather than their parents
as
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apply
show examples
they
spent
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spend
show examples
majority
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the majority
show examples
of
time
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their time
show examples
in school with their friends.
Therefore
, in
this
respect, there is
an
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apply
show examples
evident
Replace the word
evidence
show examples
showing that
experiences
that
teenagers
encountered various
experiences
mainly from
this
period
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
greatly impact
on
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apply
show examples
how they prone to be when they
aged
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age
show examples
.
However
, I personally, argue in favour of
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the adolescence
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adolescence
Replace the word
adolescent
show examples
phase
seeing that they are more mature are their critical thinking is much compared with their prior
phase
. To simply explain, undeniably
teenagers
that
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apply
show examples
they
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apply
show examples
often
dealing
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deal
show examples
with numerous decision-making
situation
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situations
show examples
compare
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compared
show examples
when
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to when
show examples
they were
a
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apply
show examples
toddlers
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
their parents
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
responsible for making head or tail for them. In summary,
alhtough
Correct your spelling
although
it is undeniable that the
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
eras
Fix the agreement mistake
era
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
children
could be
essential
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an essential
show examples
phase
, I am of the opinion that
teenagers
do
Verb problem
have
show examples
Correct article usage
a greatly
show examples
greatly
Change the word
great
show examples
impact in order to.
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, when discussing the role of parents or peers in influencing children, include detailed situations or studies to back your points.
task achievement
Revise your thesis statement to make it clearer and more direct. Explicitly state which side of the argument you support and preview the main points of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Improve transitions between paragraphs and ideas. Phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'in contrast' can help to clearly show the shift in viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Work on sentence structure and grammar to enhance clarity. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and avoid run-on sentences.
coherence cohesion
Create a more comprehensive conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your thesis in a new way. This will leave a lasting impression on the reader.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints as requested by the task prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states the topic and the intention to discuss both points of view.
task achievement
You bring up valid points about the influence of both early childhood and teenage years on future life.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • future life
  • experiences
  • childhood development
  • bonding
  • socialization
  • peer interactions
  • basic skills
  • education
  • learning
  • friendships
  • independence
  • identity
  • exposure
  • new ideas
  • perspectives
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