These days, many offices and schools have open-space design. Is this a positive or negative development?
These days, open-space design is more preferably rather than
single
room in Add an article
a single
a
some facilities namely schools and offices. In my opinion, Remove the article
apply
this
is a negative development which can lead to absentmindedness and easy spread of illness.
One significant problem that will affect on
the quality of Change preposition
apply
work
or study is that it can result in difficulties for staff to concentrate to
Change preposition
on
a
priority tasks and at the same time Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
to
lack of privacy, which is Fix the infinitive
apply
also
of great importance for workers. Because most people will distract
from Wrong verb form
be distracted
main
job or Correct pronoun usage
their main
a
studies and Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
as a
result
it brings about problems with constant noise which lowers staff performance. That’s why separate rooms will be more Add a comma
result,
productively
and preferential to Change the word
productive
work
or study both workers and pupils, therefore
workplace is component a
positive trend.
Another issue is Change preposition
of a
that
rapid infection of people, Correct determiner usage
the
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
work
or study in a such
area. In other words
, individuals can not defend themselves due to
open and large space
, where Fix the agreement mistake
spaces
virus
can infect Add an article
the virus
a virus
to
other people, particularly , Change preposition
apply
who
with weak immune Correct pronoun usage
those
system
, Fix the agreement mistake
systems
for
example
school Add the comma(s)
example,
child
and adolescents, Fix the agreement mistake
children
which
usually eat convenience food and do not pay attention to it. Fix the agreement mistake
who
Also
, the atmosphere in a department can influence to human condition and lead to increased stress because of feeling
of exposure and being watched and Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
change
the mood depending on the situation, which Wrong verb form
changing
additionally
reduces work
efficiency.
In conclusion, instead
of some disadvantages of an open-space design, a few structures choose this
one, than a single room.Submitted by s_syedy on
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grammar
The essay contains some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that can make it difficult for the reader to understand certain points. For instance, phrases like 'preferably rather than single room' and 'which work or study in a such area' are confusing. Focus on grammatical improvements.
introduction
The introduction does not clearly state the writer's position on whether open-space design is a positive or negative development. It would also benefit from more context about why this topic is important. Try to make your stance clearer from the beginning.
examples
The essay lacks sufficient specific examples to illustrate points. For example, instead of general claims about stress and lack of privacy, you could cite specific studies or anecdotal evidence. This would strengthen your argument.
structure
The essay needs a more structured approach. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that sets the stage for the details that follow. This will improve the logical flow of the essay.
addressing prompt
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the pros and cons of open-space designs in schools and offices. This shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
topic detail
The essay brings up valid concerns about distractions and the spread of illness in open-space environments, making it clear why the writer views this as a negative development.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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