IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern fofrm of communication such asemail or messaging have reduced number of time people seeing their friends.To what extent doyou agree or disagree?

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With the advancement of technology ,pupils use virtual ways of
communication
Use synonyms
 and spend less time with their friends and family members in face-to-face meetings.
This
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 trend brings some positive
as well as
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 some negative effects on the social lives of individuals.I completely agree with the statement but it has more merits than demerits .The following essay will discuss it in
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
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.
Firstly
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,
this
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 mode of
communication
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 increases globalisation ,
people
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 can contact anywhere in the world and develop business relations in different countries
,
Remove the comma
apply
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because modern modes of
communication
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 make it easy to import and export products.
For example
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, the purchaser is able to review the products online through video calls or pictures within seconds.
As a result
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,it is beneficial for the national economy.
Moreover
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 ,it promotes
cultures
Correct article usage
the cultures
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 of nations ,
such
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 as
people
Use synonyms
 from different nations can communicate with each other and share their cultural norms.
Additionally
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, individuals who live in foreign countries are able to talk with their family and friends through emails or video calls.
On the other hand
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,pupils spend more time in front of computers ,laptops or mobile phones which is harmful to their health ,
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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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 as blue light damages visual nerves
as well as
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 disrupts
intellectual
Correct article usage
the intellectual
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 abilities of the young generation.
Furthermore
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 ,
people
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 spend more time sitting in front of modern gadgets,and do less physical activities
as a result
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 ,becoming obese,less Sun exposure causes osteoporosis and living alone leads to mental disturbance and stress.
People
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 are able to communicate through text messages but when
meet
Wrong verb form
met
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 physically they are unable to express their emotions , which leads to depression,but
this
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 can be controlled by using
this
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 technology wisely .
To conclude
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,
although
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 modern technology has negative impacts on the social relations of the public,these can be overcome by using it wisely.
Furthermore
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 ,it is able to promote the economy through international relations
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
local business ,and cultural norms through diverse
communication
Use synonyms
 .It has more positive outcomes than disadvantages.

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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to elaborate further on some key points, providing more specific examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, the essay could benefit from more comprehensive explanations in certain areas to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly by dedicating one paragraph to the positive effects and another to the negative ones, which will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next; using transitional phrases can help with this. For instance, you can use phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the contrary,' to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly stating the main points you will discuss and summarizing them effectively at the end.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively discussed both positive and negative aspects of modern communication technology, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the impact on globalization and business, are relevant and strengthen your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern forms of communication
  • digital communication
  • physical meetings
  • face-to-face interactions
  • virtual interactions
  • weakened social bonds
  • maintain relationships
  • long distances
  • complement physical interactions
  • video calls
  • virtual meetings
  • simulate
  • mitigate
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