Modern fofrm of communication such asemail or messaging have reduced number of time people seeing their friends.To what extent doyou agree or disagree?
With the advancement of technology ,pupils use virtual ways of
communication
and spend less time with their friends and family members in face-to-face meetings.This
trend brings some positive as well as
some negative effects on the social lives of individuals.I completely agree with the statement but it has more merits than demerits .The following essay will discuss it in details
.
Fix the agreement mistake
detail
Firstly
,this
mode of communication
increases globalisation ,people
can contact anywhere in the world and develop business relations in different countries,
because modern modes of Remove the comma
apply
communication
make it easy to import and export products.For example
, the purchaser is able to review the products online through video calls or pictures within seconds.As a result
,it is beneficial for the national economy.Moreover
,it promotes cultures
of nations ,Correct article usage
the cultures
such
as people
from different nations can communicate with each other and share their cultural norms.Additionally
, individuals who live in foreign countries are able to talk with their family and friends through emails or video calls.
On the other hand
,pupils spend more time in front of computers ,laptops or mobile phones which is harmful to their health ,such
as blue light damages visual nerves Correct quantifier usage
apply
as well as
disrupts intellectual
abilities of the young generation.Correct article usage
the intellectual
Furthermore
,people
spend more time sitting in front of modern gadgets,and do less physical activities as a result
,becoming obese,less Sun exposure causes osteoporosis and living alone leads to mental disturbance and stress.People
are able to communicate through text messages but when meet
physically they are unable to express their emotions , which leads to depression,but Wrong verb form
met
this
can be controlled by using this
technology wisely .
To conclude
,although
modern technology has negative impacts on the social relations of the public,these can be overcome by using it wisely.Furthermore
,it is able to promote the economy through international relations and
local business ,and cultural norms through diverse Correct word choice
apply
communication
.It has more positive outcomes than disadvantages.Submitted by atiya.noureen21 on
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task achievement
To enhance task achievement, make sure to elaborate further on some key points, providing more specific examples to back up your arguments.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, the essay could benefit from more comprehensive explanations in certain areas to make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly by dedicating one paragraph to the positive effects and another to the negative ones, which will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next; using transitional phrases can help with this. For instance, you can use phrases like 'In addition,' 'Moreover,' or 'On the contrary,' to maintain coherence.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-written, clearly stating the main points you will discuss and summarizing them effectively at the end.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively discussed both positive and negative aspects of modern communication technology, showing a balanced view.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the impact on globalization and business, are relevant and strengthen your arguments.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?