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Band 5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
Numerous nations around the world are suffering
the
Change preposition
from the
show examples
 trend of youngsters who have high qualifications can not be recruited . The writer of
this
 essay believes that the problem is caused by the appearance of technologies
as well as
 individuals having
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 soft
skills
 than before.
Nevertheless
, (idea B3) <pursuing daily trends can solve
this
 problems> It is undeniable that there are many changes in all aspects
due to
digital's
Change noun form
digital
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 technology nowadays. To explain, artificial intelligence has replaced the role of humans in operating data or huge information effectively and quickly.
Therefore
, employers tend to invest in high-tech and reduce the number of
laborers
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labourers
show examples
 to see productivity in manufacturing and reduce the salary for their employees.
As a result
, there is an increasing number of
high level
Add a hyphen
high-level
show examples
 highly qualified graduates who can not be employed despite having good work appearance.
For instance
, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 young co-workers in Korea has been minimized in the past 2 years
due to
this
 country seeing an advance in high technologies. Lack of soft
skills
 is one of the essential reasons why young
laborers
Change the spelling
labourers
show examples
 can not be hired anymore.
This
 is to say, university students tend to concentrate on their educational performance and forget to improve their social and flexibility
skills
, which means they will become more introverted in their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 and thinking.
As a consequence
, these young workers can not work effectively
as well as
 they can not take any initiatives
for improving
Change preposition
to improve
show examples
 the business. Take Thailand as an example, numerous companies in
this
 country are likely to use experienced workers
instead
 of workers who have high qualifications. Yet, the issue can be tackled by updating
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
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 news. To simplify
this
 statement, popularizing brands for residents around the globe is one of the easiest ways to make the business become more triumphant in the competitive market. By understanding customer demands, companies can have a higher chance of winning in their commercial purposes. Take Finland as an example where all the businesses in
this
 nation can satisfy their customer needs by letting young co-workers
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
do the survey with the residents.
Thus
, various students in universities can not have a job after graduating despite having a good academic performance because high-technologies replaced many fields of work combined with having not enough working
skills
.
However
, by relieving the customer’s needs.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Task Achievement
The essay responds to the task, but there are areas that need improvement. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and focus on one main idea per paragraph for better clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
There are instances where ideas are not fully developed or connected. Make sure to logically sequence your arguments and provide detailed explanations to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on structuring your introduction and conclusion more effectively. A strong introduction clearly states the main points that will be discussed, and a well-rounded conclusion summarizes your arguments while reinforcing your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use connectors and linking words more effectively to guide your reader through the essay. This will improve the overall flow and coherence of your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples to support the main points, which enhances the arguments.
Task Achievement
The writer shows a good understanding of the topic and identifies key issues related to the unemployment of highly qualified graduates.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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