Too much emphasis is given for education of the young. More government money should be spent to free time activity of young people. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals argue that in

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modern life, education is very important for the young generation.

Therefore

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, some people think that the

government

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should spend more money on creating some free

time

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activities

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. In my opinion, I totally agree with

this

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opinion because the

children

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aslo

Correct your spelling

also

need to be entertained with some experience

activities

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outside the

study

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time

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. First and foremost, some free

time

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activities

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should take place in order to make some happiness

as well as

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study

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some soft skills for

students

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to serve their life.

In other words

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, the

government

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should open lots of playgrounds or some places to celebrate many skill-based education around the city that can attract

children

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to play and experience.

For example

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, in Ho Chi Minh City, there is a playground where

children

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can try many types of jobs nowadays

such

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as police, doctor and baker.

Therefore

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children

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also

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identify with lots of careers and learn many general skills in order to take care of themselves.

Moreover

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, if

students

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only learn about academic subjects in

the

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school, they will meet some problems with their mentality

such

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as being tired, bored and stressed. So the

government

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need to celebrate some free

time

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activities

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for

children

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so that they can relax after a stressful

time

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For instance

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, most of the

study

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time

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, the school

also

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creates some clubs or reading lessons that can make student relax and broaden their knowledge. In conclusion, some free

time

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activities

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have many benefits for

students

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Therefore

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, the

government

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should find some creative

activities

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in the school

as well as

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in a sustainable society.

Students

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will be good at academic subjects and general life skills if they

study

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both.

Wed Jun 05 2024

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structure

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that each idea is well-developed with supporting details.

coherence

Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs to enhance the essay's flow.

content

To improve task achievement, provide more detailed examples and elaborate further on key points.

content

The essay clearly presents a stance on the topic and supports it with relevant reasons and examples.

structure

The introduction and conclusion are clearly presented, giving a complete sense of the topic being discussed.

support

The writer uses several examples and provides explanations to support their arguments, improving task achievement.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
6
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

278 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overemphasis
burnout
well-being
mental health
social inclusion
non-academic skills
recreational facilities
antisocial behaviors
extracurricular activities
diverse interests
personal growth
real-world skills
intellectual society
undue stress
teamwork
societal development

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Some people think foreign visitors should be charged more than local people when they visit the cultural and historical attractions in a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree?