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Band 5.5

Some species of animal are almost extinct and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reason for this?

#species #risk #reason
Some animal
species
 are on the verge of extinction,
whereas
 many others decline dramatically to the same situation.
This
 essay aims to explain why the loss of habitats, poaching, and overfishing are the main reasons and suggest some
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 including preservational programmes and education.
Firstyly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
, the decline of habitats
due to
 the construction of infrastructures is a significant contribution. Hydroelectric dams,
for instance
, can change the surrounding land into
an
Change the article
a
show examples
reservior
Correct your spelling
reservoir
, forcing many
terrestial
Correct your spelling
terrestrial
 animals to emigrate.
Moreover
, deforestation to establish new housing estates or industrial zones destroys essential sources of food and
shelters
Fix the agreement mistake
shelter
show examples
, and
this
 leads to the death of many
species
.
Secondly
, illegal hunting and excessive quoting threaten
species
 that have a low rate of reproduction, resulting in population
degradetion
Correct your spelling
degradation
 as damages caused before have not been recovered, but
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
 followed by other exploitation. A primary measure to
this
 problem is establishing and strictly regulating preservational programmes. Identifying suitable
landsites
Correct your spelling
land sites
, cutting down the maximum amount of harvesting, and applying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cutting-edge
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 to generate new individuals in labs can boost the
effciency
Correct your spelling
efficiency
 of the breeding and recovery processes. Another solution is educating citizens about
he
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 importance of wild animals. Provided that the level of
self-awereness
Correct your spelling
self-awareness
 is improved, people will be more willing to
rejecting
Wrong verb form
reject
show examples
illegally-catched
Correct your spelling
illegally catched
 products and offer a hand to prevent
environmentally-damaging
Correct your spelling
environmentally damaging
show examples
 activities. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 more
species
 of animals can be extinct
while
 others are rapidly becoming endangered
due to
 habitat decline
as well as
 poaching and overfishing.
Therefore
, programmes to preserve habitats
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and education are some possible approaches to address the problem.
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task achievement
The essay does a good job of addressing the prompt and providing reasons and solutions for the decline in animal species. However, it would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made.
task achievement
There are minor language and grammar issues, such as 'preservational', 'landsites', and 'citizens about he importance'. Proofreading can help eliminate these errors and improve clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay would benefit from additional linking phrases to improve the flow between paragraphs and within them.
coherence cohesion
Some paragraphs could be more clearly divided into separate points, such as discussing habitat loss first and then poaching in a different section. This would enhance readability and logical structure.
task achievement
The introduction is clear and sets up the essay's main points well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the reasons and proposed solutions.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas, and the essay is easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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