Some countries have implemented mandatory community service programs for young people. In these programs, children aged 16 to 18 do charity work, help old people or work with animals. What are some advantages and disadvantages of this for young people?
In the present,
teenagers
don't communicate with each other as much as they can. Some countries have implemented mandatory community service program
.In these programs, young Fix the agreement mistake
programs
people
do charity
work
,help old people
or work
with animals. These activities have advantage
and Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
from
Change preposition
apply
this
following paragraphs,
Correct determiner usage
The
Advantage
of these programs Fix the agreement mistake
Advantages
such
as help
old Wrong verb form
helping
people
or work
with Wrong verb form
working
animal
will make Fix the agreement mistake
animals
teenagers
increased
Wrong verb form
increase
empathy
Correct pronoun usage
their empathy
to
other Change preposition
with
people
and they will receive a good opportunities
to help other Correct the article-noun agreement
a good opportunity
good opportunities
people
that make them to be a good person
in the future. Fix the agreement mistake
people
Moreover
, they will get skills
that are helpful in the future such
as communication skills
with aged people
and understand
them. In the future these young Wrong verb form
understanding
people
will be adults who are working in the
company that consists of aged Correct article usage
a
people
, they will understand them and can communicate smoothly. Another activity is working with animals. They will get skills
such
as taking care of not only animals but also
other people
. I think another benefit is helpful for entering university because some universities consider not only fundamental examinations but also
other skills
such
as communication and social interaction skills
.
On the other hand
, charity
works have disadvantages. Some teenagers
have to do part
Add a hyphen
part-time
time
jobs to take care of their life because some families don’t have enough money to raise their childs
. So I think they don’t have much Correct your spelling
children
time
to do charity
work
. Furthermore
, young people
don’t have enough time
to learn because they are willing to enroll
in prestigious universities. These Change the spelling
enrol
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
not interested in these events as much as they can so these events become a hassle rather than helpful.
In conclusion, community service programs for young Add a verb
childrens are
childrens were
people
to do charity
work
have advantages such
as increased their
empathy and communication Correct pronoun usage
apply
skills
,
but have disadvantages for some Remove the comma
apply
teenagers
that need their time
to do part-time
jobs for money or to study for university. I think the best way to push it forward would be by reaching an agreement between all the parties involved by setting up the minimum hours required and the places where these services could be performed with some flexible rules. So that everybody can effectively benefit.Submitted by papica13 on
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clarity
Ensure clarity and accuracy in sentence construction. For example, 'These activities have advantage and disadvantage from this following paragraphs' can be improved to 'These activities have both advantages and disadvantages, which will be discussed in the following paragraphs.'
examples
Enhance the examples provided to support your points. While you mentioned getting skills helpful for the future and university admissions, providing specific instances or data would strengthen your argument.
depth analysis
Address counterarguments more effectively. While you highlighted some disadvantages, offering deeper analysis or alternative perspectives would add depth to your essay.
structure
Strong introduction and conclusion, which provide a clear framework for your essay and articulate your main points effectively.
cohesion
Good use of transition phrases, making your essay easy to follow and logically structured.
content
The points raised are relevant and cover a range of advantages and disadvantages, showing a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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