Adults do less exercise nowadays. Some think that people can be encouraged to live healthy through sporting events such as Olympics or World Cup. Others think that there are more better ways to encourage adults for exercise. Discuss both views and state you opinion.

In recent times adults tend to do less exercise.
While
some might say that
people
can be encouraged to follow healthy lifestyles through sporting events
such
as The Olympics or the World Cup.
While
others think that there are other ways to promote exercise among adults.
Although
sporting events can help
people
, I believe that other effective measures can be taken. On the one hand,
people
generally get motivated to stay healthy when they watch a game or sport played by their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
team or player.
This
is because
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
people
try to mimic them or play the same sport played
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and
as a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
it has a positive effect on their health.
For instance
, in an article published by the Times of India, around 70% of school students play football because they liked Ronaldo, not because it keeps them healthy. I believe
this
motivation can be temporary and lasts only during the sports season, so it cannot be reliable.
On the other hand
, constructing new fitness facilities, like free outdoor gyms with different equipment.
This
gives a chance to everyone mainly to those struggling financially and to students who have a budget to live with. Once
people
start working out, they will start taking care of other aspects of life leading them to live a healthier life.
For example
, in Poland, every community has a free outdoor gym that can be used by everyone and
as a result
overweight
people
are hard to find.
Therefore
, I completely advocate for these solutions that can encourage everyone to have a better life. In conclusion,
although
sports events can have benefits in promoting
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
lifestyle, I think
this
matter could be addressed better by the aforementioned methods.
Submitted by prakasharjun1998 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which is excellent. However, consider enriching the transition between the points you discuss for a smoother flow.
task achievement
While you adequately address the task and provide a balanced discussion of both views, a more thorough explanation of how sporting events may temporarily motivate adults and why more sustainable methods are better could strengthen your response.
task achievement
Try to diversify your vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstration of language proficiency.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a well-defined structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to introduction, body, and conclusion.
task achievement
The examples provided (e.g., Times of India article, outdoor gyms in Poland) are relevant and appropriately support your ideas.
task achievement
Your writing is generally clear and your ideas are communicated effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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