IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #information #research #business #world
Many cases have shown that it is good to share information in scientific research, business and the academic world meanwhile others prefer to give
such
 data for pay. Actually,
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
 knowledge should be valuable and not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
be shared freely but sometimes available
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
also
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 for people
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 critical
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
. On the one hand, most individuals choose to share
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 academic works or scientific explorers for cash. Cause scientist spends plenty of time even half a year for some observations and selecting data.
For example
, from my individual experience, I have spent
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 7 months
to accomplish
Change the verb form
accomplishing
show examples
 my diploma work on Kazakh, English,
French
Correct word choice
and French
show examples
 advertising texts and I really appreciate
this
 assignment.
On the other hand
, some humans claim that medical
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 must be in open access.
This
 means everyone can get knowledge from special articles done by doctors whenever they
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.
For instance
, in COVID-19, the hardest year
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world, thousands of families
were died
Change to the active voice
died
have died
show examples
 and nobody
known
Add the auxiliary verb
knew
has known
show examples
 how to rescue them. In order to treat patients doctors started to learn about it from varied educational sources and thanks to it they could rescue them from
this
 absolute new illness.
Overall
, it is better to acquire paid information because of your
respectness
Correct your spelling
respect
 and appreciation for
author’s
Correct article usage
the author’s
show examples
 time.
Whilst medicine
Correct word choice
Medicine
show examples
 observations
need
Wrong verb form
are needed
show examples
 for everybody who
faced
Add a missing verb
is faced
show examples
 with sickness.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Introduction
Improve your introduction by clearly defining the two perspectives and your own opinion. This will help guide the reader.
Transitions
Work on transitions between paragraphs and ideas to improve the logical flow. For instance, using phrases like 'Another argument for...' or 'On the contrary...' can help
Development
Ensure that each point is thoroughly supported with specific examples or evidence. This can strengthen your arguments.
Task Response
The topic is addressed from multiple perspectives, showing awareness of different viewpoints, which is a plus for task response.
Examples
Examples are provided to illustrate points, making your arguments more concrete.
Balanced Viewpoint
You offer a balanced view on the topic, weighing both sides before giving your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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