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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Leaders and directors in an organisation are normally older people. Some people think younger leaders would be better. Do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organisation #people
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It is true that older individuals now predominately hold higher positions in all organizations. I think senior managers have greater benefits over young individuals when it comes to directing a company, despite the belief held by some that younger people would show superior leadership. First of all, in terms of experience, it is typically difficult for the younger generation to match the older generation. Individuals with sufficient experience can lead
members
 of an organization more skillfully than those without.
This
 is because managing corporate affairs frequently calls for those in command to possess both the fortitude to coolly analyze a difficult situation and the expertise to deal with it.
Consequently
, years the elderly are typically better prospects than those who are relatively young and inexperienced in the role
due to
 their experience in a relevant capacity. Being older
also
 has the benefit because those who belong to an organization are probably going to receive more assistance from its
members
. Since they frequently work with senior staff
members
 for extended periods of time, they have a greater understanding of their peers and are
therefore
 more well-liked. A leader's ability to communicate with others and win others' acceptance can have a significant impact on their performance.
On the other hand
, in order to establish their worth, younger
members
 will require
longer
Add an article
a longer
show examples
 time to contribute. In conclusion, I think senior staff personnel should be assigned crucial positions of authority for the specific rather than young, the cause was stated.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt effectively, arguing that older individuals have more experience and better relationships within an organization. However, to achieve a higher score, your reasons and examples should be more specific and detailed. Elaborate on how experience and established relationships specifically benefit an organization.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay is clear, with a discernible introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the organization and flow of your ideas could be improved. Linking phrases and transition words should be used more effectively to connect your points, ensuring a smoother progression of ideas.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs are well-developed, with clear topic sentences and sufficient supporting details. Avoid vague statements like 'frequently calls' and provide specific instances or hypotheticals to illustrate your points. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear position on the topic and provide two main reasons to support it, which shows your understanding of the prompt and ability to construct an argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introductory statement and a concluding sentence, which helps in framing your response effectively.
task achievement
Your language use is generally clear and appropriate for the task, demonstrating a good command of English.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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