Most societies are based on rules and laws. If individuals were free to do whatever they wanted, society could not function. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

The majority of communities follow some
rules
and regulations. It is argued that, if people
of
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in
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society
were not monitored, it would cause some problems. I completely agree with
this
statement because
laws
provide
secure
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a secure
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and peaceful environment for
nation
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a nation
the nation
show examples
which helps individuals to progress. On the
on
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one
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hand, some regulations must be implemented by
government
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the government
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to decrease the crime rates in
society
.
For instance
, a community without
rules
is a good place for criminals in order to start bullying and blackmailing from ordinary citizens. In
this
case, the number of criminals is increasing without any supervision. If governments or police officers did not interfere, the city would be ruled by
gangesters
Correct your spelling
gangsters
.
In contrast
, by having clear
laws
and punishments for offenders, the
secutiry
Correct your spelling
security
level of the town will
raise
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rise
show examples
. The safe
atomosphere
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atmosphere
leads the residents to work better and
gaine
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gain
gained
more profit not only for themselves
,
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apply
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but
also
for their
society
.
On the other hand
, the
strik
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strike
strict
rules
create
calm
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a calm
show examples
atmosphere in
the
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apply
show examples
society
. It is evident that
,
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apply
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the regulations and
laws
could prevent chaos. The individuals, who live together in an area, have often various
point
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points
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of
views
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view
show examples
on
same
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the same
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subjects
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subject
show examples
. A leader with severe
rules
are
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is
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needed in the communities in order to prevent discussions or fights among people and provide
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a peacful
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peacful
Correct your spelling
peaceful
environment. It is essential for everyone to obey single
rules
and refuse any controversy.
As a result
, citizens are able to get
promotion
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promotions
show examples
and have advancement in their
career
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careers
show examples
. In conclusion, it would be
bad
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a bad
show examples
choice for
the
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apply
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society
to give absolute freedom to its people,
becasue
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because
it will have some negative effects on community progression. In my opinion, the
laws
give the citizens a chance to boost their abilities in a safe and calm
ambiance
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ambience
show examples
.
Submitted by Negar_seddigh on

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task achievement
In your essay, you have presented a clear stance on the topic, which is commendable. To improve your task achievement score, try to provide more specific examples and concrete evidence to support your arguments. For example, mentioning specific laws that have contributed to societal security could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, some sentences and ideas could be more clearly connected. Using linking words and phrases such as 'Moreover', 'Furthermore', and 'For instance' more effectively can improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Try to refine your paragraphing by ensuring that each paragraph centers around a single idea or main point. This will enhance the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Avoid using informal language such as 'gangesters' (gangsters) and ensure that your spelling and grammar are accurate. Proofreading your essay can help identify and correct these errors.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your argument, making your stance clear from the beginning and summarizing it well at the end.
task achievement
You have identified the potential negative consequences of absolute freedom and highlighted the importance of laws, which strengthens your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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