Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do you prefer

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Every people have
different
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a different
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point of
prespective
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perspective
towards seeing things some believe that whatever work they are doing well is already good rather
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
taking
risk
Add an article
a risk
the risk
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and
shifiting
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shifting
to
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
workplace
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
beleive
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believe
that trying new things
while
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taking risks is good . I strongly believe in the second view because of the following reasons . To
being
Verb problem
begin
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with , It has some
postive
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positive
and
negetive
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negative
impact Talking about sticking to one job post in which we are already good
at
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apply
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will make you
fell
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feel
show examples
boared
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bored
board
at
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to
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some extent and you will have
a less knowledge
Remove the article
less knowledge
a piece of less knowledge
show examples
about other jobs. Because we will
loose
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lose
show examples
opporunity
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opportunity
in other sectors . If that particular
sectors
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sector
show examples
goes down in the job market
then
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the person will not be
abel
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able
to
swtich
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switch
to
other
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another
show examples
job post
due to
Linking Words
lack of experience
For instance
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, Like healthcare is been controlled by AI every data is been covered by AI so
health care
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healthcare
show examples
professionals are less in demand . So a healthcare
porfessional
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professional
should learn about some software and
then
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they can switch to other jobs .
Furthermore
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, Trying
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
new things and taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
can give you a great
explosure
Correct your spelling
exposure
and improve your knowledge by taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
we can
Correct your spelling
learn
show examples
lear
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learn
show examples
and improve our knowledge and a plus point in our C.V
Submitted by oshin.ambekar5 on

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear viewpoint and addresses both perspectives. However, the introduction could be improved for clarity. Phrases like 'Every people have...' should be corrected to 'Everyone has...' or 'All people have...'.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct ideas. Cohesion can be improved by using connectors like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion,' to guide the reader.
task achievement
Ensure you provide specific, relevant examples to support your points. For instance, the healthcare example could include more detail about how professionals can transition into AI-related fields.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a summary of your points and a restatement of your preference to provide a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
You have a balanced approach towards presenting both sides of the argument, which showcases a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The sentence 'Trying new things and taking risks can give you great exposure and improve your knowledge' captures a positive aspect well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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