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Band 3

Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which do you prefer

#people #risks
Every people have
different
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a different
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 point of
prespective
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perspective
 towards seeing things some believe that whatever work they are doing well is already good rather
then
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than
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 taking
risk
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a risk
the risk
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 and
shifiting
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shifting
 to
new
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a new
show examples
 workplace
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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beleive
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believe
 that trying new things
while
 taking risks is good . I strongly believe in the second view because of the following reasons . To
being
Verb problem
begin
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 with , It has some
postive
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positive
 and
negetive
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negative
 impact Talking about sticking to one job post in which we are already good
at
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apply
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will make you
fell
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feel
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boared
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bored
board
at
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to
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 some extent and you will have
a less knowledge
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less knowledge
a piece of less knowledge
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 about other jobs. Because we will
loose
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lose
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opporunity
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opportunity
 in other sectors . If that particular
sectors
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sector
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 goes down in the job market
then
 the person will not be
abel
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able
 to
swtich
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switch
 to
other
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another
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 job post
due to
 lack of experience
For instance
 , Like healthcare is been controlled by AI every data is been covered by AI so
health care
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healthcare
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 professionals are less in demand . So a healthcare
porfessional
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professional
 should learn about some software and
then
 they can switch to other jobs .
Furthermore
, Trying
to
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apply
show examples
new things and taking
risk
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risks
show examples
 can give you a great
explosure
Correct your spelling
exposure
 and improve your knowledge by taking
risk
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risks
show examples
 we can
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learn
show examples
lear
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learn
show examples
 and improve our knowledge and a plus point in our C.V
Submitted by oshin.ambekar5 on

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear viewpoint and addresses both perspectives. However, the introduction could be improved for clarity. Phrases like 'Every people have...' should be corrected to 'Everyone has...' or 'All people have...'.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct ideas. Cohesion can be improved by using connectors like 'Firstly,' 'Secondly,' and 'In conclusion,' to guide the reader.
task achievement
Ensure you provide specific, relevant examples to support your points. For instance, the healthcare example could include more detail about how professionals can transition into AI-related fields.
coherence cohesion
Conclude your essay with a summary of your points and a restatement of your preference to provide a sense of closure.
coherence cohesion
You have a balanced approach towards presenting both sides of the argument, which showcases a good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The sentence 'Trying new things and taking risks can give you great exposure and improve your knowledge' captures a positive aspect well.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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