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Some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development
Some proportion of
children
 population spend hours daily
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
devices
such
 as smartphones. Regarding
this
 matter, to my point of view,
this
 has a very negative development on the youngsters. On one hand, in modern times,
children
 start to use phones
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 young ages at around about 4 or 5 for a long time a day, creating a good start
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their career. As far as artificial intelligence improves, more jobs are likely to require some kind of knowledge about electronic
devices
. In
this
 case, being able to interact with smartphones and other
devices
 might be
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 significant skill contributing to their job, workplace and position of the job as well.
Furthermore
, it is worth noting that, by having access to the internet through their smartphones,
children
 could learn any piece of information that they believe they would like to know about.
On the other hand
, many people are not fully aware of the wild consequences that using smart
devices
 can bring. One of them and the main one is the health problems like mental and physical are very harsh.
Children
’s bodies are only developing at that age and using electronic
devices
 for hours can create serious issues in the problem with their health. Even adults are now taking medical courses to heal their eyes and they are visiting several
phycologists
Correct your spelling
psychologists
show examples
 because of the aggression that they have met on the internet.
To sum up
, in my opinion,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
allowing
children
 to use phones for hours during the day can be very dangerous to them today and in their future
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, as this can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices, such as linking words and phrases.
overall
Be careful with the accuracy and variety of your vocabulary. Some phrases can be clearer or more precise.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure to your response.
task achievement
You have addressed both parts of the task, discussing reasons why children spend hours on smartphones and your stance on whether this is positive or negative.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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