IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Q. As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing more and more jobs. Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at least one problem that may result.

#q #world #computers #jobs #job #positions
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
As technology continues to advance, certain
job
Use synonyms
 positions are at risk of being replaced by computers and automation. One
such
Linking Words
 category includes routine manual
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 jobs,
such
Linking Words
 as assembly line workers in manufacturing industries. With the increasing sophistication of robotics and automated systems, tasks that were once performed by humans,
such
Linking Words
 as repetitive assembly processes, can now be efficiently handled by machines. Another area vulnerable to automation is clerical and administrative roles. Tasks like data entry, filing, and basic bookkeeping can be automated through software programs and artificial intelligence, reducing the need for human intervention in these repetitive tasks. A significant problem that may result from the loss of these
job
Use synonyms
 positions is the potential for unemployment and economic dislocation. When large numbers of workers in specific sectors find their jobs replaced by computers, it can lead to
job
Use synonyms
 displacement and financial insecurity for individuals and communities.
This
Linking Words
 can exacerbate inequalities and contribute to social unrest.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the transition from manual or clerical work to more technology-driven roles may require reskilling and upskilling of the
workforce
Use synonyms
. Not all displaced workers may have the necessary skills or resources to adapt to these changes, leading to a mismatch between the available jobs and the
workforce
Use synonyms
's capabilities.
This
Linking Words
 can create challenges in
workforce
Use synonyms
 development and require proactive measures from governments, businesses, and educational institutions to ensure a smooth transition and minimize the negative impacts of
job
Use synonyms
 displacement.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 technological advancement brings numerous benefits, it's essential to consider the potential consequences on employment and society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and to implement policies that support a resilient and inclusive
workforce
Use synonyms
 in the face of automation.
Submitted by kajratakeev69 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, providing a clear introduction and conclusion. Each main point is logically organized and well-supported.
task achievement
Great job in addressing the task. You've successfully highlighted the job positions that may be lost due to technological advancements and discussed the potential problems. Adding specific examples for each point would enhance the relevance and comprehensiveness of your ideas even further.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are logically presented and supported.
task achievement
You provided a complete response to the task, discussing both the job positions that may be lost and the resulting problems. The ideas are clear and well-developed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: