IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The given first chart illustrates
dara
Correct your spelling
data
 about the cash spent by parents in Britain on their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 from 2008 to 2014,
while
Linking Words
 the second chart demonstrates the number of participated children in three sports in the UK over that period of time.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the money which was spent on outdoor activities
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 slightly over the years,
furthermore
Linking Words
, the top-ranked sport was football, in the meantime, the lowest participation was in swimming.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in 2008, average monthly
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
 was 20 pounds,
however
Linking Words
, in 2010,
this
Linking Words
 number increased noticeably to 25.
Hence
Linking Words
, in 2012, it went up significantly to 29 and in 2014
this
Linking Words
 number raised approximately to 30.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in 2008, the
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
 who played soccer
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 7.5
million
Use synonyms
, meanwhile,
Change preposition
in athletics
show examples
athletics
Change preposition
in athletics
show examples
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only a
million
Use synonyms
 and swimmers
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
2.1
million
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2012, athletics had a dramatic growth to 5
million
Use synonyms
, meanwhile, swimmers were approximately 3.5
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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