IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.

The first chart below gives information about the money spent by British parents on their children's sport between 2008 and 2014. The second chart shows the number of children who participated in three sports in Britain over the same time period.
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The given first chart illustrates
dara
Correct your spelling
data
 about the cash spent by parents in Britain on their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
show examples
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 from 2008 to 2014,
while
 the second chart demonstrates the number of participated children in three sports in the UK over that period of time.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the money which was spent on outdoor activities
raised
Verb problem
increased
show examples
 slightly over the years,
furthermore
, the top-ranked sport was football, in the meantime, the lowest participation was in swimming.
Firstly
, in 2008, average monthly
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
 was 20 pounds,
however
, in 2010,
this
 number increased noticeably to 25.
Hence
, in 2012, it went up significantly to 29 and in 2014
this
 number raised approximately to 30.
Secondly
, in 2008, the
participants
Correct quantifier usage
number of participants
show examples
 who played soccer
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 7.5
million
, meanwhile,
Change preposition
in athletics
show examples
athletics
Change preposition
in athletics
show examples
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
only a
million
 and swimmers
Verb problem
apply
show examples
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
2.1
million
.
However
, in 2012, athletics had a dramatic growth to 5
million
, meanwhile, swimmers were approximately 3.5
million
.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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