It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?
Taking
risks
became significant for individual’s lives
, for
their Change preposition
apply
proffessional
Correct your spelling
professional
lives
as well as
their personal lives
. Despite some possitive
effects, I Correct your spelling
positive
ceartinly
believe that Correct your spelling
certainly
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
are outweighed
the advantages.
First and Wrong verb form
outweigh
above all
, there are two main advantages. First
one is, Change the article
The first
if
the Correct word choice
that if
risk
taken has good results, it can cause people
who take risk
, to meet new Fix the agreement mistake
risks
people
and build qualified networks. For instance
, my sister used this
education interval to go to Germany and interrupted her school for a while
during her university years and now she's married to someone she met there and they have a company. And secondly
, individuals who take risks
can make a lot of money thanks to the risks
they took
. Wrong verb form
take
According to
a
news, many Correct article usage
apply
people
who took risk
and bought coins, in 2010, have now millions of dollars.
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
Although
the mentioned possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
effectes
, there are two essential disadvantages of taking Correct your spelling
effects
risks
. Firstly
, people
who took
Wrong verb form
take
risks
would lose their money, besides
that, lose their Correct word choice
and besides
times
which is the most important Fix the agreement mistake
time
things
Fix the agreement mistake
thing
for
their Change preposition
in
lives
. For instance
, a woman I have been following for years,
left her job in a well-known company Remove the comma
apply
and
took a Correct word choice
apply
risk
with her husband and moved to a completely different country. And years
later, she told Correct word choice
Years
what
they had experienced and explained that Correct pronoun usage
them what
this
Correct determiner usage
the
risk
they took in this
process was only a waste of time and that they lost all the money they had. Secondly
, when the risks
taken to
do not have good results, they can cause Fix the infinitive
apply
people
to occure
mental issues Correct your spelling
experience
such
as depression and anxiety.
In conclusion, people
have to realise that mental health and the time they have is more important and they should be careful when taking risks
.Submitted by nur.kaya on
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task response
Your essay addresses the topic by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks in professional and personal lives. However, you could improve the completeness of your response by expanding on the advantages and disadvantages more evenly.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical structure, try to use more cohesive devices and transition words to guide the reader through your arguments. This will help with the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure you proofread your work to fix minor spelling and grammatical errors. This will make your essay more polished and professional.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively emphasizes the importance of mental health and careful consideration when taking risks. This provides a strong ending to your essay.
task response
The examples you provided, such as the story about your sister and the woman who moved to a different country, are relevant and help support your points effectively.