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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this the case ? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #case
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These days, some people do not like to
work
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 in the privet and public sectors, they prefer to be freelancers.
This
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 is because
a
Correct your spelling
of
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 long working
hours
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 with low-income and companies and organisations rules.
In addition
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, there are a lot of disadvantages of working as self-employed. There are several reasons why some individuals select jobs in the freest place without limitations. Working for a long time with low financial benefits in the firm is a major cause for countrymen who choose to leave working in companies and start their own businesses. These have contributed to improving their income and providing more freedom without adhera many
hours
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 in working
place
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workplace
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.
For instance
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, from my
experience
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, my friend had a function in a large company in Saudi Arabia and he got $ 1000 per month and spent 11
hours
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 per day in his
work
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. He resigned from
this
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 job and began his privet
work
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, he gets monthly $5000 now. There are some drawbacks
of
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to
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 freelancing. Most of the freelancing would require a high level of
experience
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.
experience
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 plays an important role in the success of working as a freelancer. Most people might face difficulties in obtaining the
experience
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 that qualifies them for independent
work
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.
Furthermore
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, the high cost which needs
to
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begin
Wrong verb form
beginning
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 a new business as a freelancer is another negative side of freelancing. Self-employment demands a lot of skills and uses many tools that are expensive in order to succeed. In conclusion, some people do not want to
work
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 in an organization, they choose to
work
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 as freelancers because there are some negative sides
such
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 as working for long
hours
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 and low income.
Submitted by a2100b2100 on

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on the reasons why people prefer to be self-employed, giving a richer and more varied set of examples and arguments. While you have mentioned long working hours and low income, it's good to add more dimensions such as flexibility, control, and specific job satisfaction factors.
coherence cohesion
While the essay's structure is generally clear, work on ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use more cohesive devices to link ideas between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
Expand on the disadvantages of freelancing by providing more detail. Mention aspects like lack of job security, isolation, or difficulty in securing a stable client base, and provide examples as much as possible.
coherence cohesion
Improve the introduction and conclusion by making them slightly richer and more connected to the main body. The conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively and provide a final reflective thought.
coherence cohesion
Be mindful of small grammatical errors and word choices (e.g., 'privet' instead of 'private', 'adhera' instead of 'adhere to'). Polishing these aspects will improve readability and the overall impression.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear argument and provides examples, such as your friend in Saudi Arabia, which helps to illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant reasons and disadvantages of being self-employed, which demonstrates a good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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