IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play\ with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the children of having a large number of toys?

#topic #parents #children #toys #play\
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Some parents purchase a lot of
toys
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 for their kids to play with.
This
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 essay will highlight both the
benefits
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 and drawbacks that
results
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result
show examples
 from
such
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 an approach. Nowadays, different types of
toys
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 have come
in
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on
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 the market. Most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies make sure to create educational
toys
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 like puzzles, abacus, Legos, and many more. Educational
toys
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 will usually enhance a child's learning through developing their logic and problem-solving
skills
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, encouraging communication
skills
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, refining motor
skills
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 and nurturing their creativity.
For instance
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, puzzles can improve fine motor
skills
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while
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 riding
toys
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 can enhance gross motor
skills
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. Sharing a large number of
toys
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 with friends can teach children social
skills
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such
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 as sharing, cooperation, and communication.
However
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, there are
also
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 some negatives to consider,
such
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 as environmental impacts. A large number of
toys
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 can contribute to environmental waste, especially if they are made from non-recyclable materials. When children have an excess of
toys
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, they might not learn the value of taking care of their belongings.
This
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 can lead to a lack of gratitude and appreciation.
Additionally
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, constantly receiving new
toys
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 can contribute to materialistic values and a sense of entitlement, which may affect the child's
behavior
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behaviour
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 and expectations in the long run. In conclusion, despite the
benefits
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 of having a large number of
toys
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 in creativity, educational
benefits
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,
social
Correct word choice
and social
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benefits
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, the drawbacks of having them should
also
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 be taken into account.
Submitted by sandeepniet17 on

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task achievement
Consider elaborating more on the points mentioned, perhaps by providing additional examples or explaining the impacts more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the coherence by ensuring that your ideas flow smoothly from one to another with the use of appropriate linking words and phrases.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of having a large number of toys, making it a well-rounded response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear, effectively framing the essay.
task achievement
Good use of specific examples such as educational toys and their benefits, which supports the main points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhanced creativity
  • motor skill development
  • educational benefits
  • social skills
  • overstimulation
  • cognitive abilities
  • fine motor skills
  • gross motor skills
  • sharing and cooperation
  • shorter attention spans
  • lack of value
  • gratitude and appreciation
  • environmental impact
  • non-recyclable materials
  • materialistic values
  • sense of entitlement
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