Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctors. Do you think this is positive or negative trend?

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In
recents
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recent
day
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days
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, many people have
Add an article
an illness
the illness
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illness
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illnesses
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,
prefering
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preferring
using
the
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apply
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alternative
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medicines
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or
treatments
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to conventional medical
treatments
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.
This
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trend can bring a positive result, but
it's
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its
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negative impact
of
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apply
show examples
it
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apply
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on health
that
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apply
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need
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needs
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to be considered.
Therefore
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i
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I
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strongly believe that
this
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situation is
an
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a
show examples
negative development. One useful consequence of
this
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trend is the heavy emphasis on
the
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apply
show examples
natuarl
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natural
functions, many people
seek
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who seek
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to use
thes
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this
these
type of
medicine
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tend to approach
the
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apply
show examples
natural
treatments
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that can help them recover without using drugs or medical
treatments
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.
For example
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, herbal
medicine
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which is
regconized
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recognized
thet
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that
can effectively reduce the conditions of allergies and
chronics symptom
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chronic symptoms
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. Meanwhile, the
demeris
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demerits
of
this
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tendency causes numerous
problem
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problems
show examples
on
people
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people's
show examples
well-being, patients who opt
to
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for
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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treatmets
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treatment
treatments
often don't believe in
science
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scientific
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experiences,
espacially
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especially
the
medicines
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which
is
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are
show examples
created in
labortary
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laboratory
and they usually avoid the treatment from
profeesional
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professional
doctors.
The one
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One
show examples
clear example is that the person who
suffers
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suffer
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from cancer or some serious chronic diseases don't use
the
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apply
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specialized health care or
medicine
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,
it
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they
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is threatened
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threaten
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their own life for the wrong religion.
Moreover
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, the use of
alternative
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medicines
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can result in delays in receiving proper medical care. In some cases, patients choose to forego or delay necessary medical
treatments
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in favour of
alternative
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options, which can result in the progression of their illness or condition.
This
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can lead to complications, higher medical costs, and even death in severe cases. An example of the negative impact of relying solely on
alternative
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medicines
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is the case of Steve Jobs, the co-founder of Apple Inc. Jobs was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He
initially
Linking Words
chose to rely on
alternative
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medicine
Use synonyms
and delayed conventional medical treatment. By the time he eventually sought medical intervention, it was too late. In conclusion,
the
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apply
show examples
alternative
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medicines
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can bring
the
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apply
show examples
natural
treatments
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for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
patients, but the negative results can lead their
life
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lives
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to dangerous cases.
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task achievement
Your introduction includes your viewpoint, but it could be clearer and more concise. Ensure you state your stance explicitly at the beginning and provide a brief outline of the main points you'll cover.
coherence cohesion
You should strengthen your conclusion by summarizing the key points discussed in your essay, restating your opinion more powerfully. This will leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Try to group your similar ideas together more effectively. It will make your main points easier to follow and improve the logical flow of your essay.
task achievement
Although your examples are relevant, ensure each one thoroughly supports your point. There should be a direct link between your point and the example provided.
task achievement
Work on reducing grammatical errors, particularly in sentence structure and spelling. For instance, 'illness, prefering using' should be 'illnesses, preferring to use'. Checking your work for these minor errors would increase clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
Focus on using cohesive devices (e.g., 'furthermore', 'in addition') correctly to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Using more synonyms and varied sentence structures will prevent repetition and keep the reader engaged. For instance, you can replace 'emphasis on the natuarl functions' with 'focus on natural remedies'.
task achievement
You provided a clear stance on the issue, and your examples were relevant to the points made.
task achievement
The essay included both positive and negative aspects of using alternative medicines and treatments, showing a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
Each body paragraph had a clear main idea, illustrated by examples or explanations, which is good practice.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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