Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Other believe people have become independent.Discuss both views and give your opinion
It is argued that
whether
nowadays, the dependence on each other Correct word choice
apply
are
becoming less significant Change the verb form
is
among
our society or vice versa. Change preposition
in
This
essay aims to display a closer look at both sides and explain the write's
belief that individuals are becoming less independent Replace the word
writer's
on
Change preposition
of
another
one.
Advocates of the tendency that Correct pronoun usage
other
people
less
prefer to Correct quantifier usage
apply
rely
others might support the view with the application of technologies and the Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
avaibilty
of helping services. Correct your spelling
availability
For instance
, attending traditional classes with teachers is not being prioritzed
by students nowadays as they can search their necessary materials on the Internet or visit virtual classrooms. Another example is that more and more old Correct your spelling
prioritised
people
tend to spend the rest of their lives in retirement homes with some insurances
. Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
Nevertheless
, it sounds like a joke that the information provided on the Internet are
easy to absorb by every student, so teachers never lose their importance in the development of youngsters. Notwithstanding, many governments have to cut down the expenditure on the old because Change the verb form
is
of
it puts too much pressure on the tax system and national workforce to compensate; Change preposition
apply
therefore
, descendants should have responsibility
to look after the elderly.
Actually, the level of self-sufficiency is decreasing Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
days
by Fix the agreement mistake
day
days
. Fix the agreement mistake
day
Although
technologies help people
deal with various task
, they are Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
also
vulnerable and sophiscicated
so users should rely more on guarantee services and mechanics. On the social scale, there are many problems that require better Correct your spelling
sophisticated
collaborations
between Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
people
within the community to solve. Environmental pollution can provide a clear example since only a large number of participants leading a green lifestyle could make a significant impact.
In conclusion, the tendency of relying
on others Change preposition
to rely
among
human society is becoming more clear. Despite many available technologies and supporting services, there are many tasks that Change preposition
in
are needed
to be conducted by everyone in the community Wrong verb form
need
such
as reducing environmental pollution.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, covering both views and providing your opinion. However, aim to balance the points you make on both sides more evenly.
task achievement
Ensure your points are clearly explained and backed up with specific examples. Some parts of your essay lacked clear and concrete examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it flows smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views, fulfilling the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?