IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Other believe people have become independent.Discuss both views and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that
whether
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
nowadays, the dependence on each other
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 becoming less significant
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society or vice versa.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to display a closer look at both sides and explain the
write's
Replace the word
writer's
show examples
 belief that individuals are becoming less independent
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
another
Correct pronoun usage
other
show examples
 one. Advocates of the tendency that
people
Use synonyms
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
prefer to
rely
Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
show examples
 others might support the view with the application of technologies and the
avaibilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 of helping services.
For instance
Linking Words
, attending traditional classes with teachers is not being
prioritzed
Correct your spelling
prioritised
 by students nowadays as they can search their necessary materials on the Internet or visit virtual classrooms. Another example is that more and more old
people
Use synonyms
 tend to spend the rest of their lives in retirement homes with some
insurances
Fix the agreement mistake
insurance
show examples
.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it sounds like a joke that the information provided on the Internet
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 easy to absorb by every student, so teachers never lose their importance in the development of youngsters. Notwithstanding, many governments have to cut down the expenditure on the old because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it puts too much pressure on the tax system and national workforce to compensate;
therefore
Linking Words
, descendants should have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to look after the elderly. Actually, the level of self-sufficiency is decreasing
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
 by
days
Fix the agreement mistake
day
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 technologies help
people
Use synonyms
 deal with various
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
, they are
also
Linking Words
 vulnerable and
sophiscicated
Correct your spelling
sophisticated
 so users should rely more on guarantee services and mechanics. On the social scale, there are many problems that require better
collaborations
Fix the agreement mistake
collaboration
show examples
 between
people
Use synonyms
 within the community to solve. Environmental pollution can provide a clear example since only a large number of participants leading a green lifestyle could make a significant impact. In conclusion, the tendency
of relying
Change preposition
to rely
show examples
 on others
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 human society is becoming more clear. Despite many available technologies and supporting services, there are many tasks that
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
 to be conducted by everyone in the community
such
Linking Words
 as reducing environmental pollution.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, covering both views and providing your opinion. However, aim to balance the points you make on both sides more evenly.
task achievement
Ensure your points are clearly explained and backed up with specific examples. Some parts of your essay lacked clear and concrete examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it flows smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views, fulfilling the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: