Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Other believe people have become independent.Discuss both views and give your opinion

It is argued that
whether
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apply
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nowadays, the dependence on each other
are
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is
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becoming less significant
among
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in
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our society or vice versa.
This
essay aims to display a closer look at both sides and explain the
write's
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writer's
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belief that individuals are becoming less independent
on
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of
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another
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other
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one. Advocates of the tendency that
people
less
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apply
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prefer to
rely
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rely on
rely upon
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others might support the view with the application of technologies and the
avaibilty
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availability
of helping services.
For instance
, attending traditional classes with teachers is not being
prioritzed
Correct your spelling
prioritised
by students nowadays as they can search their necessary materials on the Internet or visit virtual classrooms. Another example is that more and more old
people
tend to spend the rest of their lives in retirement homes with some
insurances
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insurance
show examples
.
Nevertheless
, it sounds like a joke that the information provided on the Internet
are
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is
show examples
easy to absorb by every student, so teachers never lose their importance in the development of youngsters. Notwithstanding, many governments have to cut down the expenditure on the old because
of
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apply
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it puts too much pressure on the tax system and national workforce to compensate;
therefore
, descendants should have
responsibility
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a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
to look after the elderly. Actually, the level of self-sufficiency is decreasing
days
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day
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by
days
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day
show examples
.
Although
technologies help
people
deal with various
task
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tasks
show examples
, they are
also
vulnerable and
sophiscicated
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sophisticated
so users should rely more on guarantee services and mechanics. On the social scale, there are many problems that require better
collaborations
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collaboration
show examples
between
people
within the community to solve. Environmental pollution can provide a clear example since only a large number of participants leading a green lifestyle could make a significant impact. In conclusion, the tendency
of relying
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to rely
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on others
among
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in
show examples
human society is becoming more clear. Despite many available technologies and supporting services, there are many tasks that
are needed
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need
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to be conducted by everyone in the community
such
as reducing environmental pollution.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well, covering both views and providing your opinion. However, aim to balance the points you make on both sides more evenly.
task achievement
Ensure your points are clearly explained and backed up with specific examples. Some parts of your essay lacked clear and concrete examples to support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your logical structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and that it flows smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Although your introduction and conclusion are present, the conclusion could be more robust by summarizing the main points more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay covers both views, fulfilling the requirements of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The essay shows a good range of vocabulary and a variety of sentence structures.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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