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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the results of survey in a European country, which were carried in three different years. It shows the percentage of people who said that they were interested in certain sports. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.

The table below shows the results of survey in a European country, which were carried in three different years. It shows the percentage of people who said that they were interested in certain sports. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisions where relevant.
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The graph illustrates the percentage of 7 primary sports chosen by individuals in a European country in 1999, 2004 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, football was the most popular
activities
Fix the agreement mistake
activity
show examples
 among the three years,
while
Linking Words
golf
Use synonyms
 and
rugby
Use synonyms
 were less welcomed.
Additionally
Linking Words
, cycling, volleyball,
golf
Use synonyms
 and
rugby
Use synonyms
 saw an upward trend over that period but other types of sports except swimming had the opposite tendency. As is shown in the table, the percentage of people who consider football as
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
interesing
Correct your spelling
interesting
 activities in 1999 was 57%,
while
Linking Words
 after experiencing a steady decrease, that figure for 2009 was 48%.
Similarly
Linking Words
, there were fewer
indiviudals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 immersed in tennis, with 26% at the beginning but fell to 24% in 2009.
Coversely
Correct your spelling
Conversely
, the proportion of cycling, volleyball,
golf
Use synonyms
 and
rugby
Use synonyms
 all increased over the 10 years. As for cycling, it rose from 32% to 34%
while
Linking Words
 those figures for volleyball were 12% and 24% respectively.
Apar
Correct your spelling
Apart
show examples
 from that,
although
Linking Words
 the percentage of people interested in
golf
Use synonyms
 and
rugby
Use synonyms
 increased, they were still under 20% in 2009.
Additionally
Linking Words
, swimming
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
flucuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
 over that period of time,
rose
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
 from 17% in 1999 to 20% in 2004, but declined to 18% in 2009 ultimately.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "additionally, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words golf, rugby with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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