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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar charts illustrates the consequences of a research done by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.

The bar charts illustrates the consequences of a research done by a university library to find out the opinions of full-time and part-time students about its services.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the satisfaction with the IT support offered indicates more in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 than part-
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 with the current opening hours, both types of student show a positive outcome rather than the previous service Looking at the figure in
further
Linking Words
 detail, it is evident that over a half of
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 are very content with the IT support that the library
provide
Change the verb form
provides
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, a third of these pupils are just quite satisfied so only 13% leftover are find
this
Linking Words
 service is of any help. Compared with part-
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
, nearly
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the cohort are actually dissatisfied with the library's IT support, around a third are
quite
Correct your spelling
quiet
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 and approximately 20% of those
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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find out helpful Turning to the remaining statistic, both full-
time
Use synonyms
 and part-
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
show examples
 a large percentage of satisfaction with 67% for
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
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time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 72% for part-
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the mid opinion that just a bit content with
this
Linking Words
 service
contain
Verb problem
is
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 32%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 23%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 part-
time
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, only 1%
dissatisfied
Change preposition
of dissatisfied
show examples
 showing in
full
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and 5%
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 part-
time
Use synonyms

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "indicates" was used 2 times.
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