IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that watching TV is bad for children, while others claim it has ositive effects for children as they grow up. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #tv #children #ositive #effects
Nowadays,
children
 spend most of their leisure time on technology. Some adults argue that watching
television
 has a bad impact on
children
.
However
, others think that it is good for
children
's maturity.
This
 author agrees with the first statement and discusses both sides of
this
 opinion. On the one hand, it is understandable why
TV
 viewing is detrimental to
children
's growth.
Initially
, many
TV
 programmes and movies contain violent content or sexual advertisements that affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
children
.
Consequently
, long-time exposure to them might distort the child's mindset and behaviour.
Additionally
, if the juniors spend too much time in front of the green screens, they may lack physical activity. Leading to suffering from health problems
such
 as obesity, eye strain and short-sightedness.
On the other hand
, there are some factors that people suppose that watching
TV
 is beneficial to the juniors. When approaching many
television
 programmes,
children
 can gain more knowledge and experience through suitable content.
Besides
 that, a variety of programs for kids
such
 as music, crafts and animation help develop creativity.
Nevertheless
, I am firmly against the notion that watching
TV
 is for
children
. A hole of
children
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 addicted to
television
then
 they form bad behaviour and immersed in the virtual world.
That is
 why it renders autism in many
children
 and adolescents nowadays. Taking everything into account, approaching
television
 can help
children
 foster their imagination.
However
, it will have a big impact on their mental health, physical health and their behaviour.

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task achievement
In your essay, make sure to thoroughly explain each side of the debate with equal depth. Currently, the essay leans slightly more towards the negative aspects of watching TV rather than discussing both sides equally. Try to balance your discussion for a more comprehensive view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure is generally clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, aim to seamlessly integrate your ideas and arguments for smoother flow. Make sure that each paragraph logically follows from the previous one to enhance coherence.
task achievement
It will be beneficial to provide specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific TV programs or studies that highlight both the negative and positive impacts of TV on children. This would add more credibility and relevance to your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present, and they do a good job of framing your argument.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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