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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#percentage #households #kinds #technology #information #features #comparisons
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The given graph depicts the proportion of
housechores
Correct your spelling
houses
done
Verb problem
built
show examples
 with
vario
Correct your spelling
various
 inventions in
United
Correct article usage
the United
show examples
 States between the
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1995 to 1999.In the following paragraphs, I will describe the percentages of machines used in house working. It is clearly seen that, in 1995 about 60%
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 used washing machines for doing laundry which remained constant in 1996 and 1997 but inclined in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 two consecutive
years
Use synonyms
.
Wheareas
Correct your spelling
Whereas
, 40% population used computers in 1995 but
this
Linking Words
 trend
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
nearly
Change preposition
to nearly
show examples
 70% in 1999. Moving
further
Linking Words
, in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 two
years
Use synonyms
 only 20%
individuals
Change preposition
of individuals
show examples
 used mobiles but usage of smartphones
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 four
years
Use synonyms
 it
goes
Wrong verb form
went
show examples
 up to nearly 70%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the utilisation of
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
was seemed
Change to the active voice
seemed
has seemed
show examples
 to
be soared
Wrong verb form
soar
show examples
 in these selected
years
Use synonyms
 but
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 did not
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 much importance to
DVD
Add an article
the DVD
a DVD
show examples
 player in 1996 but
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually upward in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
years
Use synonyms
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of washing machines and computers was showing increasing demand in year 1995 to 1999.The excess of phones and internet
also
Linking Words
 showed inclination
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
DVD
Add an article
the DVD
show examples
 player was not gain much popularity.
Submitted by manpreetkaurzzx on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Percentage
  • Households
  • Technology adoption
  • Growth rate
  • Decline rate
  • Milestones
  • Obsolete
  • Societal factors
  • Economic conditions
  • Advancements
  • Consumer preferences
  • Market saturation
  • Trend analysis
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