IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of travelling to a work place every day. Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

#say #majority #employees #home #work #place
Some individuals
in
Add a missing verb
are in
show examples
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
show examples
 that it would be better if the bulk of staff worked from
home
instead
 of moving
place
Change preposition
from place
show examples
 to place for
work
.
This
 article will reveal
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of the assigned statement.
To begin
 with
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, remote working is beneficial when
employer
Correct article usage
an employer
show examples
 commuting to a central
locating
Replace the word
location
show examples
 for
work
. As is well known,eliminating the daily commute saves time from
trafffic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 jams and money on transportation expenses.
Moreover
, it helps to keep the
work
-life balance,
hence
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
creating own
schedual
Correct your spelling
schedule
 for leisure and
work-time
Correct your spelling
work time
show examples
.
For instance
,
due to
 quarantine in
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of covid-19 in 2020 year, people were forced to
work
 at
home
 and keep in touch with each other
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. There were no cars on the roads
as well as
 carbon monoxide which released
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
show examples
,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
result
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of air pollution significantly decreased around the world. So,
home
 working
also
 facilitates for
resolve
Change the verb form
resolving
show examples
 some environmental issues.
On the other hand
,working from
home
 has drawbacks. Social isolation is a major concern, as remote workers miss out on the camaraderie and collaboration found in an office.
This
 lack of face-to-face interaction can lead to feelings of loneliness and hinder effective communication and teamwork, impacting
overall
 job satisfaction and productivity. In conclusion, whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages depends on individual circumstances and preferences. Some people feel more productive in a remote
work
 environment,
while
 others prefer the structure and social interaction of a traditional office setting. Flexibility and a hybrid approach that combines remote
work
 with occasional in-person collaboration may offer the best of both worlds for many employees and employers.
Submitted by kajratakeev69 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, consider linking sentences and paragraphs more smoothly using appropriate transition words and phrases. For example, phrases like 'Additionally,' and 'In contrast,' can help guide the reader through your points more effectively.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, try to support your arguments with more detailed examples. While the COVID-19 quarantine example is good, additional examples would strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to address counterarguments more extensively. This will show a balanced view and a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
introduction conclusion present
The essay includes a clear introduction and a strong conclusion, which help in framing your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Your argument about the environmental benefits of working from home is a unique and compelling point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: