Convenience foods will become increasingly prevalent and eventually replace traditional foods and tradition methods of food preparation. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Nowadays, most of the
people
choose to eat the convenience
foods. It is quite obvious,
if we know that our society Remove the comma
apply
love
to get their dishes fast and tasteful. But, in my opinion, there are some pressing problems that can show Change the verb form
loves
negative
side of the Add an article
the negative
convenience
feed.
Firstly
, they are unhealthy. Modern food
can lead to overweight problems, whereas
traditional food
is far more
superior in the Correct quantifier usage
apply
ways
of Fix the agreement mistake
way
preparation of
Wrong verb form
preparing
the
meals with Correct article usage
apply
the
natural products. New Correct article usage
apply
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
food
have some GMO
, Fix the agreement mistake
GMOs
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
mean
they, of course, can be cooked faster than old Change the verb form
means
one
, but, Correct pronoun usage
ones
lack
of Correct article usage
the lack
the
basic healthy vitamins Correct article usage
apply
justified
their place in our world as junk Wrong verb form
justifies
food
. These facts illustrate the main critics
that Replace the word
criticisms
convenience
food
take
from Change the verb form
takes
scientist
discoveries.
Replace the word
scientific
Secondly
, convenience
foods much
more Add a missing verb
are much
expansive
to make to the business. Most of the businesses choose to make their products with the traditional ways of preparing. Correct your spelling
expensive
Due to
commercial
and marketing Correct article usage
the commercial
advantage
of that choice. The Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
people
that
care about Correct pronoun usage
who
the
health will buy their goods ,because, Correct article usage
apply
it
have natural ingredients. It is about Correct pronoun usage
they
profit
the business Correct article usage
the profit
take
by Change the verb form
takes
collaboration
with fitness and Replace the word
collaborating
people
’s needs. That show
the Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
economical
factor of Replace the word
economic
the
Correct article usage
apply
convenience
food
,
since over time Remove the comma
apply
people
will start notice
the positive side of the traditional way of Fix the infinitive
to notice
food
preparation.
In conclusion, convenience
food
are
Change the verb form
is
bad
decision for the Add an article
a bad
people
who care about health. As it have
Change the verb form
has
profound
impact Add an article
a profound
in
our health. Change preposition
on
Also
, the convenience
food
will be outmatched by traditional one, owing to a high rise in the sport sector.Submitted by dnm.best on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position on the topic, which is great. However, to achieve a higher score, you need to develop your arguments more thoroughly. Adding more examples and explanations to support your points would enhance your essay significantly.
task achievement
Work on improving the clarity and comprehensibility of your ideas. Some sentences are a bit unclear and could benefit from rephrasing or breaking them into smaller segments. For example, 'It is about profit the business take by collaboration with fitness and people’s needs.' could be more clearly stated.
coherence cohesion
Your logical structure is adequate, but there is room for improvement. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this idea is fully developed with supporting details. Also, consider using more transition words to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be more impactful. The conclusion should restate the main points in a way that drives your argument home, rather than just summarizing it.
task achievement
Try to ensure your main points are supported by specific and relevant examples. This will add weight to your arguments and make it easier for the reader to understand your perspective.
task achievement
You clearly state your position on the topic, which provides a clear direction for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes both an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in structuring your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.