The major cities of the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities face with? Give some solutions to these problems.
In
this
contemporary era, most metropolitan areas are likely to develop dramatically along with
ongoing relevant issues in globe
. Correct article usage
the globe
This
essay firmly contends that this
circumstance has resulted in the shortage of outdoor activities related to the
nature Correct article usage
apply
as well as
adverse implication
on Fix the agreement mistake
implications
physical
Add an article
the physical
health
of youngsters, which could be alleviated by creating a green belt surrounding the cities
by governments.
Thanks to the fast growth of urban areas, natural discoveries seem to be overshadowed by modern construction. In other words
, there would be a vast wooded land that is
flattened so as to establish up-to-date infrastructure which enhances the economy of the cities
. Consequently
,because of being in curious periods, adolescents would not have opportunities to explore the natural habitat, which is one the most integral part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
in
childhood. Change preposition
of
For instance
, Ho
Chi Minh Change preposition
in Ho
city
where over 70% of the children often stay at home and do indoor activities Capitalize word
City
such
as watching films or playing games rather than hanging out to discover the
nature on the grounds of the expansion of facilities.
Another issue worth mentioning is Correct article usage
apply
negative
impact on physical Add an article
a negative
the negative
health
stemming from high-tech devices. To explain further
, it is evident that the more advanced metropolises are, the more modern gadgets become that directly affect the health
of the young generation, as those who do not have adequate awareness about technology, resulting in addiction. As a result
, this
could not only worsen the strength of individuals but also
lead to a sedentary lifestyle causing many problems in later time
. Fix the agreement mistake
times
Taking
Hanoi as a standout example, where the research shows that there are 30% of Wrong verb form
Take
the
children Correct article usage
apply
suffering
from obesity and short-sighted eyes in 2023, 5% higher than Wrong verb form
will suffer
2021
.
Notwithstanding, Change preposition
in 2021
this
could be mitigated by implementing a green belt outside cities
. That is
to say, the authorities should restrict the urban zones by establishinga
vegetation space around them, which is Correct your spelling
establishing a
establishing
positive
change. Add an article
a positive
Consequently
, young individuals could get more chances to explore the natural environment for entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
along with
reducing the
screen time which improves Correct article usage
apply
the
physical Correct article usage
apply
health
positively.
In conclusion, the development of cities
could lead to not only the missing childhood because of the shortage of greenland
but Change the capitalization
Greenland
also
the sedentary lifestyle. However
, this
could be addressed by creating a
wooded land in the suburbs.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent for structure. However, ensure that each main point is explicitly linked back to the overarching argument. This will improve overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and relevant, some points could benefit from deeper development. For example, explain more thoroughly why specific solutions will work. This will enhance the completeness and comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and give a clear overview and summary of the essay's main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the ones about Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi, which help illustrate your points.