The major cities of the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities face with? Give some solutions to these problems.

#cities #world #people #face

this

contemporary era, most metropolitan areas are likely to develop dramatically

along with

ongoing relevant issues in

globe

Correct article usage

the globe

show examples

This

essay firmly contends that

this

circumstance has resulted in the shortage of outdoor activities related to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature

as well as

adverse

implication

Fix the agreement mistake

implications

show examples

physical

Add an article

the physical

show examples

health

of youngsters, which could be alleviated by creating a green belt surrounding the

cities

by governments. Thanks to the fast growth of urban areas, natural discoveries seem to be overshadowed by modern construction.

In other words

, there would be a vast wooded land

that is

flattened so as to establish up-to-date infrastructure which enhances the economy of the

cities

Consequently

,because of being in curious periods, adolescents would not have opportunities to explore the natural habitat, which is one the most integral

part

Fix the agreement mistake

parts

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

childhood.

For instance

Change preposition

in Ho

show examples

Chi Minh

city

Capitalize word

City

show examples

where over 70% of the children often stay at home and do indoor activities

such

as watching films or playing games rather than hanging out to discover

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

nature on the grounds of the expansion of facilities. Another issue worth mentioning is

negative

Add an article

a negative

the negative

show examples

impact on physical

health

stemming from high-tech devices. To explain

further

, it is evident that the more advanced metropolises are, the more modern gadgets become that directly affect the

health

of the young generation, as those who do not have adequate awareness about technology, resulting in addiction.

As a result

this

could not only worsen the strength of individuals but

also

lead to a sedentary lifestyle causing many problems in later

time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

show examples

Taking

Wrong verb form

Take

show examples

Hanoi as a standout example, where the research shows that there are 30% of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

suffering

Wrong verb form

will suffer

show examples

from obesity and short-sighted eyes in 2023, 5% higher than

2021

Change preposition

in 2021

show examples

. Notwithstanding,

this

could be mitigated by implementing a green belt outside

cities

That is

to say, the authorities should restrict the urban zones by

establishinga

Correct your spelling

establishing a

establishing

vegetation space around them, which is

positive

Add an article

a positive

show examples

change.

Consequently

, young individuals could get more chances to explore the natural environment for

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

along with

reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

screen time which improves

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

physical

health

positively. In conclusion, the development of

cities

could lead to not only the missing childhood because of the shortage of

greenland

Change the capitalization

Greenland

show examples

but

also

the sedentary lifestyle.

However

this

could be addressed by creating

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

wooded land in the suburbs.

Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on Thu Jun 06 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent for structure. However, ensure that each main point is explicitly linked back to the overarching argument. This will improve overall coherence and cohesion.

task achievement

While your ideas are generally clear and relevant, some points could benefit from deeper development. For example, explain more thoroughly why specific solutions will work. This will enhance the completeness and comprehensiveness of your response.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and give a clear overview and summary of the essay's main points.

task achievement

You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the ones about Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi, which help illustrate your points.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

377 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5.5
band
International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door and with more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?
These days, the number of travellers is increasing for some reason some international trips have low costs, and more countries accept tourists more than past. while there are some drawbacks of international travel, I still believe that these cannot overshadow the benefits.
5
band
Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be need because people can see historical objects and works of arts by computers. Do you agree or disagree
In this modern era, internet is ubiquitous across the world and provide many possibility including virtual exhibition. For this reasons, some advocate conventional showcase, including museums and art galleries, could be elliminiated entierely. I personally disagree to this statement wholeheartedly and I will elaborate my view points on the matter.
5.5
band
Forests are the lungs of the earth. Destruction of the world’s forests amounts to death of the world we currently know. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I am in consummate accord with the statement that, the Earth’s natural green reserves purify its atmosphere and functions synonymously as that of the mammalian lungs. I also advocate the view that, forest destruction will ruin our present world.
5
band
The presence of technology in the classroom has become more and more apparent and offers students tremendous resources with which to supplement their education. Given time, technology will completely replace the traditional teacher in the classroom. Do you agree or disagree with the above statement?
In general by passing time students get involved deeply with devices, apps and artificial intelligence in school,hence, some people blive that technology is going to delete the old school ways of teaching and even the teachers. Although this imagine is unbelievable, I certainly agree with it.
6.5
band
Missions to explore space are hugely expensive, and there are problems on Earth which demand attention. The number of these missions needs to be reduced. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.
It is thought that space exploration is a waste of money, and there are a lot of urgent needs to be addressed on Earth, such as poverty and environmental degradation. So, they argue that the number of such missions should be cut. However, I firmly do not agree with this statement because we should admit that the Earth has witnessed a lot of technological achievements such as satellite technology due to space search, and also we cannot know that our world will be available in the future as a place to survive.

The major cities of the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities face with? Give some solutions to these problems.

International travel is becoming cheaper, and more and more countries open their door and with more and more tourists. Do the advantages of increased tourism outweigh its disadvantages?

Some people claim that museums and art galleries will not be need because people can see historical objects and works of arts by computers. Do you agree or disagree

Forests are the lungs of the earth. Destruction of the world’s forests amounts to death of the world we currently know. To what extent do you agree or disagree?