The major cities of the world are growing fast, as well as their problems. What are the problems that young people living in cities face with? Give some solutions to these problems.

In
this
contemporary era, most metropolitan areas are likely to develop dramatically
along with
ongoing relevant issues in
globe
Correct article usage
the globe
show examples
.
This
essay firmly contends that
this
circumstance has resulted in the shortage of outdoor activities related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature
as well as
adverse
implication
Fix the agreement mistake
implications
show examples
on
physical
Add an article
the physical
show examples
health
of youngsters, which could be alleviated by creating a green belt surrounding the
cities
by governments. Thanks to the fast growth of urban areas, natural discoveries seem to be overshadowed by modern construction.
In other words
, there would be a vast wooded land
that is
flattened so as to establish up-to-date infrastructure which enhances the economy of the
cities
.
Consequently
,because of being in curious periods, adolescents would not have opportunities to explore the natural habitat, which is one the most integral
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
childhood.
For instance
,
Ho
Change preposition
in Ho
show examples
Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
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where over 70% of the children often stay at home and do indoor activities
such
as watching films or playing games rather than hanging out to discover
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature on the grounds of the expansion of facilities. Another issue worth mentioning is
negative
Add an article
a negative
the negative
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impact on physical
health
stemming from high-tech devices. To explain
further
, it is evident that the more advanced metropolises are, the more modern gadgets become that directly affect the
health
of the young generation, as those who do not have adequate awareness about technology, resulting in addiction.
As a result
,
this
could not only worsen the strength of individuals but
also
lead to a sedentary lifestyle causing many problems in later
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
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.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
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Hanoi as a standout example, where the research shows that there are 30% of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
suffering
Wrong verb form
will suffer
show examples
from obesity and short-sighted eyes in 2023, 5% higher than
2021
Change preposition
in 2021
show examples
. Notwithstanding,
this
could be mitigated by implementing a green belt outside
cities
.
That is
to say, the authorities should restrict the urban zones by
establishinga
Correct your spelling
establishing a
establishing
vegetation space around them, which is
positive
Add an article
a positive
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change.
Consequently
, young individuals could get more chances to explore the natural environment for
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
along with
reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
screen time which improves
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical
health
positively. In conclusion, the development of
cities
could lead to not only the missing childhood because of the shortage of
greenland
Change the capitalization
Greenland
show examples
but
also
the sedentary lifestyle.
However
,
this
could be addressed by creating
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wooded land in the suburbs.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which is excellent for structure. However, ensure that each main point is explicitly linked back to the overarching argument. This will improve overall coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear and relevant, some points could benefit from deeper development. For example, explain more thoroughly why specific solutions will work. This will enhance the completeness and comprehensiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-defined and give a clear overview and summary of the essay's main points.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the ones about Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi, which help illustrate your points.

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