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Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think the cheap air flight gives ordinary people more freedom. However, others think that cheap air flights should be banned because it pollutes the air and brings many problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #air #flight #freedom #flights #pollutes
There is a pro-contra notion in the
airlines
Change the noun form
airline
show examples
 industry.
first,
they
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
think that cheap
air
 flight gives more freedom to
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ordinary people. The other
one
 said, cheap
air
flights
 should be banned
due to
air
pollutes
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
. To understand the pro side, we have to think that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of people in
this
 world
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 between the middle class and the lower class. It means most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people prefer
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
cheaper services or products that fit
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their budget.
Also
, there is a
flexbility
Correct your spelling
flexibility
 when someone
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 the cheaper
one
. For
examples
Fix the agreement mistake
example
show examples
, When planning a vacation and there are two options, if they choose the cheaper
one
, they can
allocated
Change the verb form
allocate
be allocated
show examples
 the rest of the ticket payment to pay
a
Change preposition
for a
show examples
better quality of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 or have more budget to eat more
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
food later.
On the contrary
 side, cheap
air
flights
 have a contrast drawback
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
pollutes
Replace the word
pollution
show examples
. It
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the terrible
air
 quality in the city. Personally,
while
 cheap
air
flights
 indeed have a contribution to the
air
polutes
Correct your spelling
pollutes
polluted
polluters
,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think the land
transportations
Fix the agreement mistake
transportation
show examples
 should be considered more than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
air
flights
due to
much
Correct article usage
the much
show examples
 more quantity of vehicles. In conclusion, almost everything in
this
 world
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 two
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
Correct article usage
the coins
show examples
coins
Fix the agreement mistake
coin
show examples
, so the stakeholders in
this
air
 flight industry should be wise to consider which
one
 will bring more benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 humanity.
Submitted by nathan.nandoo on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph relate to the main idea. This will improve the logical structure and coherence of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases (e.g., firstly, on the other hand, however) to better connect your ideas and make the text flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples and elaborate on your points to make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
To enhance clarity, focus on clearly defining your main points and ensuring that your argument is easy to follow. This can be done by avoiding overly complex sentences and ensuring each sentence adds value to your essay.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, giving your essay a clear beginning and end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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