IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government spend enormous amount of money on renovation of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money is better spent on building new houses and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument?

#government #amount #money #renovation #buildings #cities #believe #houses #road #development #argument
Many are of the opinion that governmental funds should be allocated towards reconstructing outdated buildings in metropolitan areas rather than newly erecting
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 facilities and improving
roads
.
However
, I am largely in agreement with
this
 perspective since
construction
Add an article
the construction
show examples
 of new housing
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 and
roads
Change the noun form
road
show examples
 pavement requires a
signficant
Correct your spelling
significant
 amount of financial and environmental
sources
Correct your spelling
resources
show examples
, thereby
generatinf
Correct your spelling
generating
 big burdens on society. Critics argue that the investment in constructing new housing
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and repaving old
roads
 are largely required considering that a large population is converging into big
cities
. With the development of central
cities
, people living in
cities
 can enjoy diverse entertainment options including cafes with different
ambience
Fix the agreement mistake
ambiences
show examples
, restaurants, and shopping malls.
Such
 a phenomenon
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 individuals to
eager
Add a missing verb
be eager
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 to reside in capital
cities
 or downtown, thereby requiring high demands of
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 buildings.
Furthermore
,
this
 case facilitates
roads
 in those
cities
 to expand and renovate since increasing citizens in main areas
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 traffic congestion. To tackle
this
 negative situation, a large number of houses and road
renovation
Fix the agreement mistake
renovations
show examples
 should be needed. 
Nevertheless
, the construction of new residences and road expansion could incur
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on government finance and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
. In general, setting up
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 building requires a considerable amount of money and
efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort
show examples
 ranging from securing lands to build structures to installing the process water and electricity system.
Consequently
,
such
 a plan might be
achievied
Correct your spelling
achieved
 by imposing additional tax on citizens,
thus
 leading them to struggle with financial difficulties.
Moreover
, during the renovation of car
roads
 and pavements, hefty concrete and
machiens
Correct your spelling
machines
such
 as
forkcrane
Correct your spelling
fork crane
for crane
, haulage vehicles, and
cargos
Fix the agreement mistake
cargo
show examples
 would be accompanied. Along the way, those machines would emit harmful
greengas
Correct your spelling
green gas
greens
such
 as methane, carbon dioxides and even car fumes.
This
 phenomenon will exacerbate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues
such
 as global warming, air pollution, and increasing fine particles.
Therefore
, developing previous buildings is more beneficial since it needs adequate resources over the costs for new constructures and
roads
. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniably true that
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introduction
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly outline the main arguments and effectively summarize the overall perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve the clarity and grammatical accuracy of sentences to ensure that ideas are communicated effectively without misunderstandings.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. This could make your arguments more convincing.
grammar
Focus on eliminating small grammatical and typographical errors to enhance readability.
complete response
The essay addresses the main points of the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported and explained.
task response
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the significant financial and environmental costs associated with constructing new buildings and roads.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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