IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

The government spend enormous amount of money on renovation of old buildings in large cities. Some believe that this money is better spent on building new houses and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this argument?

#government #amount #money #renovation #buildings #cities #believe #houses #road #development #argument
Many are of the opinion that governmental funds should be allocated towards reconstructing outdated buildings in metropolitan areas rather than newly erecting
residental
Correct your spelling
residential
 facilities and improving
roads
.
However
, I am largely in agreement with
this
 perspective since
construction
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the construction
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 of new housing
building
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buildings
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 and
roads
Change the noun form
road
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 pavement requires a
signficant
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significant
 amount of financial and environmental
sources
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resources
show examples
, thereby
generatinf
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generating
 big burdens on society. Critics argue that the investment in constructing new housing
facilties
Correct your spelling
facilities
 and repaving old
roads
 are largely required considering that a large population is converging into big
cities
. With the development of central
cities
, people living in
cities
 can enjoy diverse entertainment options including cafes with different
ambience
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ambiences
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, restaurants, and shopping malls.
Such
 a phenomenon
lead
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leads
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 individuals to
eager
Add a missing verb
be eager
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 to reside in capital
cities
 or downtown, thereby requiring high demands of
accomodation
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accommodation
 buildings.
Furthermore
,
this
 case facilitates
roads
 in those
cities
 to expand and renovate since increasing citizens in main areas
causes
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cause
show examples
 traffic congestion. To tackle
this
 negative situation, a large number of houses and road
renovation
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renovations
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 should be needed. 
Nevertheless
, the construction of new residences and road expansion could incur
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
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 impact on government finance and
environment
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the environment
show examples
. In general, setting up
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 building requires a considerable amount of money and
efforts
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effort
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 ranging from securing lands to build structures to installing the process water and electricity system.
Consequently
,
such
 a plan might be
achievied
Correct your spelling
achieved
 by imposing additional tax on citizens,
thus
 leading them to struggle with financial difficulties.
Moreover
, during the renovation of car
roads
 and pavements, hefty concrete and
machiens
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machines
such
 as
forkcrane
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fork crane
for crane
, haulage vehicles, and
cargos
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cargo
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 would be accompanied. Along the way, those machines would emit harmful
greengas
Correct your spelling
green gas
greens
such
 as methane, carbon dioxides and even car fumes.
This
 phenomenon will exacerbate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
environmental issues
such
 as global warming, air pollution, and increasing fine particles.
Therefore
, developing previous buildings is more beneficial since it needs adequate resources over the costs for new constructures and
roads
. In conclusion,
while
 it is undeniably true that
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introduction
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly outline the main arguments and effectively summarize the overall perspective.
clear comprehensive ideas
Improve the clarity and grammatical accuracy of sentences to ensure that ideas are communicated effectively without misunderstandings.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples to support your points. This could make your arguments more convincing.
grammar
Focus on eliminating small grammatical and typographical errors to enhance readability.
complete response
The essay addresses the main points of the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported and explained.
task response
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the significant financial and environmental costs associated with constructing new buildings and roads.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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