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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two pie charts below show the online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#two #show #sales #sectors #canada #summerise #information #features #comparisons
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The supplied pie charts indicate the
amount
 of
sales
 in digital stores for various parts
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Canada
 in 2005 and 2010. A glance at the graph reveals that the highest
amount
 of
sales
 was for Electronics and Appliance in
Canada
 in 2005,Compared to 2010 which had the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 proportion of online shopping
sales
 for Food and Beverage. In 2005,the
amount
 of money earned by online shoppers for Electronics and
Appliance
Fix the agreement mistake
appliances
show examples
 was just over a third in
Canada
,just ahead of the percentage of
sales
 in 2010 (%30).
In addition
,people did not prefer to buy Food and
Beverage
Fix the agreement mistake
Beverages
show examples
 in online markets at roughly %22 in
Canada
 in 2005.Whilst,in 2010 just under a third of the population tended to have Food and Beverage from digital markets in
Canada
.
In contrast
,exactly a quarter of
Correct article usage
the selling
show examples
selling
Replace the word
sales
show examples
 of digital networks was for
Home
Fix the agreement mistake
Homes
show examples
 and Furnishings (%25) in
Canada
 in 2005.
Whi
l
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
e,15 per cent of people did not choose to purchase Home and Furnishings from online shops in
Canada
 in 2010.(Which was the lowest
amount
 of
sales
 over the period).
Moreover
,buying Video Games from online markets in
Canada
 in 2005 was a bit as popular as purchasin
g
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
it in 2010,at 18 per cent and 23 per cent,respectively.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words amount, sales, canada with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • accounted for
  • notable decrease
  • significant increase
  • steady growth
  • modest increase
  • sharp decline
  • percentage of online sales
  • retail sectors
  • pie charts
  • comparison
  • over the five-year period
  • largest share
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