Some people that allowing children yo make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food , clothes and entertainment ) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes . Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them . Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there are many views about the ways of
children
's parenting. It can be
showed
Change the form of the verb
shown
show examples
where some people believe that giving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
freewill to decide on their daily matters,
such
as food, clothes, and
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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would make them
individually
Change the word
individual
show examples
behaviour.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other people see that allowing them to choose their daily affairs could lead them
independently
Fix the infinitive
to independently
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make important decisions affecting
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. I think
,
Remove the comma
apply
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parenting's type like
this
has good benefits for
children
rather than negative effects. Here are my opinions. Allowing
children
to decide on their own needs won't lead them to
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
individualistist
Correct your spelling
individualistic
individualists
.
Submitted by rlsatria on

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task achievement
Consider broadening your introduction to clearly outline the two views being discussed and state your thesis more definitively.
task achievement
Ensure body paragraphs support your thesis with clear arguments and relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Focus on logical structuring of ideas to enhance cohesion. Effective use of linking words and synonyms can help in this regard.
coherence cohesion
Develop a proper conclusion that summarizes your points and restates your opinion.
general
Proofreading for grammatical errors and ensuring a varied vocabulary can improve clarity and readability.
task achievement
Your essay topic is clearly introduced, and the issue is understood.
task achievement
There is an effort to present both sides of the argument, showing a balanced consideration.
coherence cohesion
Your overall structure attempts clear organization with an introduction and body paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • confidence
  • responsibility
  • consequences
  • personal preferences
  • individuality
  • selfish behaviors
  • communal needs
  • boundaries
  • rules and authority
  • guidance
  • weigh options
  • empathy
  • social awareness
  • structured guidance
  • shared responsibility
  • compromise
  • cooperate.
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