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Writing Samples
Band 6

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.

The table below shows the proportion of income spent on 4 common items in the UK in 1998.
#proportion #income #items #uk
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The table illustrates the percentages of the consumption
on
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of
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 4 usual items in the United Kingdom in 1998.
Overall
Linking Words
, the adults spent most of their income on
food
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 (25%),
least
Correct article usage
the least
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 on
videos
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(1%).
Whereas
Linking Words
 the highest spending of children was
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music
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on music
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 their lowest spending was on
food
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. In terms of men, they consumed the most
on
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apply
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food
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, which was 14%.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, the
expenditure
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 on electronic equipment was
also
Linking Words
 high (10%). The money spent on
music
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 was the third place(5%). The minimum proportion was the
videos
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, which was only 2%.
By contrast
Linking Words
, women spent the most on
food
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 as well(39%), which was 78 times more than the
videos
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(0.5%), the minimum amount they would like to buy. The
expenditure
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 on
music
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 and electronic equipment was 5% and 1% respectively. The money boys spent was mostly on
music
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(39%),
while
Linking Words
 the minimum was the
food
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(9%).
Other
Correct article usage
The other
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 two products were both 18%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, girls’
expenditure
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 was 40% on
music
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, which was the highest, too.
However
Linking Words
, the lowest
expenditure
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 was the
eletronic
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electronic
 equipment(5%). The percentage of the
food
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 and the
videos
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 are 14%
in
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on
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 average.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words food, videos, music, expenditure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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