IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that countries should produce food their population eats and import less food as much as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #countries #food #population #import
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Many people believe that regions should manufacture
food
Use synonyms
 for their own dwellers and reduce the amount of
food
Use synonyms
 which is imported.
While
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this
Linking Words
 can be beneficial to some extent/ bring many advantages, I disagree with
this
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 point of view.
To begin
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 with, there are two reasons why
countries
Use synonyms
 should
self- produce
Correct your spelling
self-produce
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 and reduce
food
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 imports. With regard to the former, there will be more jobs in
agricultural
Correct article usage
the agricultural
show examples
sectors
Fix the agreement mistake
sector
show examples
.
This
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 policy would be a boon to domestic production; which will curb the unemployment rate.
This
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 can be seen in rural areas in Vietnam, where a focus on agricultural production has helped year-round domestic
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturing
show examples
 and eventually created thousands of jobs for people, preventing jobless periods. Regarding minimizing
food
Use synonyms
 imports,
such
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 a policy will boost a country’s economy by eliminating the commercial competition
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
 local companies with foreign corporations. Despite the aforementioned benefits, I believe that producing
food
Use synonyms
 domestically seems unfeasible. To specify
this
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, a number of
countries
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 which suffer extreme weather or possess
unfavorable
Change the spelling
unfavourable
show examples
 geographical features will find it challenging to be self-reliant on
food
Use synonyms
 production.
For example
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, like most African
countries
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 in general, Comoros has arid land and scorching weather with limited amounts of rain all year round, which makes
this
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 country unable to produce enough
food
Use synonyms
 for its population. Another example is Japan, where many natural disasters happen,
makingit
Correct your spelling
making it
 hard for
this
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 country to ensure national security. In conclusion,
although
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 manufacturing
food
Use synonyms
 for their own population and getting
food
Use synonyms
 from other
countries
Use synonyms
 can bring colossal benefits , I am against
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
such
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 policies.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
Ensure that every introduced point is fully developed and supported with examples or additional reasoning. For instance, you mentioned benefits such as 'more jobs in agricultural sectors' but didn't elaborate much on how this process works.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining the logical progression between points. Use more connector phrases and ensure clear transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to minor punctuation and grammatical errors to improve overall readability. Also, ensure that your argument aligns logically without contradicting your main stance.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively summarize the main points discussed.
task achievement
You effectively addressed both aspects of the question, detailing the potential benefits and drawbacks of the policy discussed.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the situation in Vietnam and Comoros, which help in illustrating your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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